No one suspected anything was different about me since the bad thoughts happened. I was spending hours in daily rumination, avoidance, and prayer rituals. But I was also becoming an expert in masking them. There were two different sides of Chrissie. There was the internal, anxiety-riddled, ritualistic Chrissie and the outward ‘everything is just great’ Chrissie. However confusing it felt, I sensibly kept the two separate. I had insight that my behavior and intense worry didn’t make sense, but what stopped me from seeking help was the voice in my head saying “if there was not some truth to
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