How to Fight (Mindfulness Essentials #6)

by Thich Nhat Hanh

THE FIVE-YEAR-OLD CHILD Often, our suffering begins when we are quite young and continues to fester as we grow. There is a five-year-old still inside us. This child may have suffered a lot. A five-year-old is fragile and easily wounded. Without mindfulness parents may transmit all their pain, anger, and suffering to their children. By the age of five, the child is already filled with fear and sorrow. A child so young isn’t always able to explain her suffering in a way that others can hear. As she stumbles over her words, adults around her might interrupt or even shout at her. Such language is like ice water thrown over a tender heart. The child may never try to confide in grown-ups again, and the wound remains deep and hidden. Adults repeat acts like this over and over until their connection with their children is severed. The cause is a lack of mindfulness. If a parent doesn’t know how to manage his anger, for example, he may destroy the communication with his child and the child may suffer their whole life, and pass that anger on to the next generation. So it is important to get in touch with the five-year-old child within, and begin to heal the wounds still inside. We can learn to listen to the suffering of our five-year-old, to embrace it tenderly. Holding our pain and suffering with the energy of mindfulness and compassion, it begins to transform.