Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life

by Amy Gahran

The catch is, social norms encourage assumptions. This can create dilemmas about consent. When people rely on assumptions, they often sidestep communication and negotiation.

Consider this: once past teenage or college years, many people feel it sounds odd to call someone their best friend. Often, adults lack the vocabulary to clearly acknowledge the depth and intensity of very close friendships.

Under current social norms, if friends develop a sexual or romantic connection that isn’t heading toward the Escalator, this is often perceived as foolish or dangerous — or at least, as a sure way to ruin or cheapen that friendship.

In polyamory, it can be painful that the prioritizing between different people and activities (which, to be honest, everyone does) has to be done in the open. It's a lot easier to pretend you're not making those choices.