Who Thought This Was a Good Idea?

by Alyssa Mastromonaco

Even if I don’t manage to get people to like me, I can usually persuade them that I am competent and not (too) annoying.

It’s kind of cheesy, but sometimes life is cheesy for a reason.

I know what it’s like to be treated like you rank somewhere between a baby and a run-of-the-mill moron. I have also acted like a baby and a moron at a few points, even though I am neither.

You should always be prepared to defend your choices, whether just to yourself (sometimes this is the hardest) or to your coworkers, your friends, or your family. The quickest way for people to lose confidence in your ability to ever make a decision is for you to pass the buck, shrug your shoulders, or otherwise wuss out. Learning how to become a decision maker, and how you ultimately justify your choices, can define who you are.

For me, leadership has always been much more about rallying people around a project or cause than about being held up as the Boss.

one of the hallmarks of a great leader is being able to explain your decisions.

Often, being a leader is not about making grand proclamations or telling people what to do; it’s about balancing all these priorities and constituencies.

That might be the difference between men and women: Women need to know they are right before they stand up. Men are OK objecting if they just think they might be right. I thought, but I didn’t know.

Persistence will get you far, and leaders have to champion the push.

I have always liked the feeling of being prepared. Preparation is protection you can create for yourself; for some people, the hard part may be balancing precautions with paranoia, but in my experience, you can never be too prepared.

If I went through life cramming like every day was the SATs, it would be a miserable existence, but being in control and taking a beat to think about the next five steps—about what comes next—is critical.

Here’s the thing about being a decent businessperson: When you are reasonable, savvy, and polite, you get far.

Jobs like this—the kind of job of which there are many, the kind that are definitely good but that no one teaches you to want—are found only with an open mind and a willingness to do your own thing.

It taught me that failure was survivable, that it wouldn’t ruin my life.

If you do it responsibly, quitting something that isn’t benefiting you—whether it’s dance classes that “everyone is taking” or a soul-sucking job that has nothing to do with anything you’re interested in—can change your life.

It forever formed my opinion on how we should help those in need: humanely and respectfully. Maybe that sounds obvious to you, but unfortunately there are a lot of people who would disagree.

There is no greater feeling of independence than being able to provide for yourself, knowing that if you really hate a job—and you will probably hate jobs at various points throughout your life—you can leave and be OK.

Self-awareness—it always impresses people.

I usually dislike someone before I like them.

Developing self-awareness is a lifelong process;

One of my main goals in writing this book is to give you the permission to admit to feeling or doing things that are silly; once you do, you can get on with your life.

There’s not a real resolution here, except the lesson that you should be able to accept the fact that sometimes you’ll fuck up, have to sincerely apologize, and try to move on.

We are all replaceable. Life goes on, but that doesn’t mean it feels good.

One of the good things about being resilient is that, when you’re forced to veer off course, you pick up skills you didn’t realize you needed.

Being resilient means being honest: You have to admit when you’re struggling. Usually, someone will help you.

The importance of kindness—which extends far beyond “please,” “thank you,” and “your hair doesn’t look bad today”—is a combination of both: Over and over in my life, I’ve been bowled over by how kind people can be, and how that kindness can change your outlook.

“Well, if you knew everything I knew,” he asked, “what good would I be?”

But even if you’re a shoo-in for something, you should always come prepared.