Who Thought This Was a Good Idea?: And Other Questions You Should Have Answers to When You Work in the White House

by Alyssa Mastromonaco

I switched to Pilates in 2006, after I nearly broke my teeth falling off a treadmill. (I was BlackBerrying.)

The bathroom situation in the West Wing is probably not what you would expect: Toilets do not exactly abound.

The next day, I made it my mission to get a tampon dispenser in the West Wing women’s bathroom. If we were truly serious about running a diverse operation and bringing more women into politics, we should give the office a basic level of comfort for them. Even if you had to pay a quarter, it would be better than menstruating all over the Oval.

you don’t dillydally with a POTUS in Iraq.

POTUS trusted us with all these details, and the last thing you want is the dreaded Questionable Eyebrow—the one that says, “What the fuck is going on?”

Also, I love tiaras.

When you are within 10 miles of the queen, carry a damn pair of trousers on your person at all times.

A Fuck You account is the money you keep around in case you need to say “Fuck you!” to someone or something, fast—a boyfriend or girlfriend, a terrible job, a shitty landlord.

I usually dislike someone before I like them.

survivor-versus-victim mentality: If you had lost everything and were told you could dress yourself in hand-me-down jeans and shirts that didn’t fit, would that make you feel empowered, more in control? No. A $75 gift card can be much more helpful in propelling someone forward.

OH MY GOD. I knew the voice. He didn’t immediately say, “It’s Bruce Springsteen,” but he sounds just like his music—it was like a saxophone could come in at any minute.

Kindness often exists on a smaller scale than the grand gestures popular