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I’m not interested in speaking from a place of superiority; I learn things from young and inexperienced people all the time, and I’ve been young and inexperienced myself. I know what it’s like to be treated like you rank somewhere between a baby and a run-of-the-mill moron. I have also acted like a baby and a moron at a few points, even though I am neither.
Often, being a leader is not about making grand proclamations or telling people what to do; it’s about balancing all these priorities and constituencies.
That might be the difference between men and women: Women need to know they are right before they stand up. Men are OK objecting if they just think they might be right.
When I walked into the secret room you’re not supposed to talk about, they had set me up at the head of the table, and I was the only woman. Everyone was wearing a uniform; I was in a Kate Spade outfit that may have involved a shirt with hearts on it.
If I went through life cramming like every day was the SATs, it would be a miserable existence, but being in control and taking a beat to think about the next five steps—about what comes next—is critical. You would be surprised what five minutes here, 15 minutes there, can do to make you feel confident and ready.
I don’t want to be too nostalgic, especially because the present day has a lot of benefits—women’s rights, Google Maps—but I think the idea that times were simpler “back in the day” is true in a lot of ways. Whatever anyone tells you about how technology and social media have made us disconnected from reality is probably right, but I think you can boil all these kinds of arguments down to the fact that people are no longer chill. They are goal-oriented. They are aware of all the things they could or believe they should have. They are aware of all the things that could go wrong. This awareness
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Jobs like this—the kind of job of which there are many, the kind that are definitely good but that no one teaches you to want—are found only with an open mind and a willingness to do your own thing.
I loved Judy Blume, and I think I was pretty young when I read Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret—the edition from the early ’70s, where they still explained that maxi pads had belts. Maxi pads used to be held in place with a weird string-and-loop system, and that is what I learned about. By the time I actually got my period, I was very confused. Where were the belts?
If you do it responsibly, quitting something that isn’t benefiting you—whether it’s dance classes that “everyone is taking” or a soul-sucking job that has nothing to do with anything you’re interested in—can change your life.
Forward motion is always better than no motion—even if you don’t think it’s taking you in the direction you wanted to go.
Being self-aware means knowing when you’re about to act bad—and then not acting bad.
didn’t necessarily have a ton of STUFF to do, but I always could have had something to do, at any moment of any day.
As a childless 40-year-old woman, I am either supposed to regret not having kids or be entrenched in the expensive and often disappointing process of IVF.
I realize it might be a little disappointing to see a woman start off a discussion about confidence by talking about her love life, but in some ways, having David woo me was a more alien experience, one that required a lot of self-possession and confidence, than something like talking about fjords at a state dinner with Chile’s minister of tourism.
One of my main goals in writing this book is to give you the permission to admit to feeling or doing things that are silly; once you do, you can get on with your life.
I wish that I had tried to live with a boyfriend sooner than age 37, even if I knew we would probably, eventually break up, because I was deeply, almost bizarrely uneasy about moving in with David. I felt like a burden, or an intruder, or like I’d tricked him into proposing to me.
I couldn’t take a job where people’s lives were in my hands and I didn’t feel confident that I had what I needed to be successful. It was a risk I didn’t want to take. I had worked hard to build a reputation, and I wasn’t going to throw that away—I knew there would be another opportunity. I hadn’t always believed that, but the older you get, the more confident you can be about what you’re good at. The more places you can see where you belong.
I met Anne for tea, and she asked me about the White House and what I wanted to do for my next phase. I was pretty honest and said I had no idea. She said that I was young enough to have another big adventure and not to worry if it was a disaster, which was very reassuring (but also not).
Out of left field, VICE asked me what I thought I should make. If anyone ever asks you this—and they probably will—do not give a number.
I think a “serious” woman can also be a crazy cat lady, and I will be rescuing cats until someone has to rescue me.
