Instrumental: A Memoir of Madness, Medication, and Music

by James Rhodes

There is an addiction that is more destructive and dangerous than any drug, and it is rarely even acknowledged, let alone talked about. It is insidious, pervasive and at epidemic levels. It is the primary cause of the culture of entitlement, laziness and depression that surrounds us. It is an art form, an identity, a way of life and has a bottomless, infinite capacity for pain. It is Victimhood.

There will never, can never, be two identical performances of the same piece of music, even when you’re playing it twice yourself. There is an infinite choice of interpretation, and everyone has different opinions as to what is the ‘right way’, what is respectful/disrespectful of the composer, what is valid, what is exciting, what is dull, what is profound. It’s entirely subjective.

in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting’.

How awful to have a passion so intense it dictates your every breath and yet to lack the moral backbone to pursue it.

There is a horrible irony in knowing that I spent most of my life running away from the things that would ultimately save me (honesty, truth, reality, love, self-acceptance) because I believed they would kill me.

Real compassion comes from understanding that what feels true for someone is, to all intents and purposes, true.