While not changing the relationship with the state’s provision of benefits, same-sex marriage does change what it means to get married, but only if its participants continue to be open about the kinds of activities that they engage in outside of the charmed circle. As Nair points out, straight people do plenty of BDSM and fisting, yet marriage remains the same. However, that’s not really true. When those acts remain hidden, divorced from their identity, then what does it matter? When they are openly acknowledged, then the scorn of the inner circle falls on them just as much. Heterosexual
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