“I can’t believe she was so aggressive when she attacked you! That wasn’t very professional.” When I notice this defense strategy I often respond with, “I actually experienced her very differently. I thought she was clear and direct in her comments, and not at all aggressive. I have sometimes accused a person of color of attacking me when they were only taking the risk to share some feedback with me. In the past, I have felt angry when people of color have confronted me and focused more on how they engaged me than on what they were trying to help me realize about myself. Some people call this
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