... But I'm NOT Racist!: Tools for Well-Meaning Whites

by Kathy Obear

I used five different types of skills that I find helpful in engaging in difficult situations related to race. I created the acronym PAIRS™ to help me remember each skill. The letters stand for pan, ask, interrupt, relate, and share. I first panned or scanned the room and noticed an increase in tension after his comment. I asked about his intent as a way to interrupt the dynamic and not stay silent as I heard a phrase that I knew was a racist trigger regardless of his conscious intent. I started by letting him know I was inviting him to say more about his intention and then related in by acknowledging how I had said that phrase before as well. I then asked if he knew this was a trigger phrase and invited him to scan the audience to check to see if he could pan racial identities and differences among people. I followed up by asking him to share more about his intent and related in by joining him in his vision. At that point, I