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The face rolled its eyes. ‘Piffle. Know what this is an example of? Skullism.’ ‘What nonsense are you spouting now?’ ‘You’ve heard of racism. You’ve heard of sexism. Well, this is skullism, pure and simple. You’re judging me by my outward appearance. You doubt my word solely because I’m a skull lurking in a jar of slime-green plasm. Admit it!’
‘I’m bored,’ the ghost said. ‘It’s Lockwood’s fault. He’s such a dawdler.’ ‘He’s being sensible. He’s checking for traps.’ ‘He’s like an old granny crossing the road. I’ve seen algae move faster.’
‘Let’s have the baddish one first,’ George said. ‘I prefer my misery to come at me in stages, so I can acclimatize on the way.’
It was all plunging necklines, cunningly positioned slashes and tightly fitting curves. It looked both impractical and chilly.
La belle Dame compared to Lucy haha!
Legendary beauty, as you can see.’ ‘Yup,’ said George. ‘Looks a bit overripe to me,’ Holly said. ‘Don’t you think, Lucy?’ ‘Definitely.’
Good old George
‘Say no more! In my experience, graveyards can be used for lots of activities, not just ghost-hunting.’ It gave me a slow, atrocious wink.
Skull!
‘See? Featuring our sinister star, Marianne de Sèvres. Classy. She must’ve come straight from Paris.’ ‘Or possibly Luton.’
As for the damage Greek Fire can do …’ ‘Don’t look at us,’ George said.
‘What kind of bosom friendship is this,’ the skull cried, ‘where you go merrily shutting me up for hours on end? You never plug Lockwood’s mouth with a giant cork, or stick a gym shoe in Holly’s gob to keep her quiet. Which is a crying shame, because I’d pay good money to see both those things.’
Another scream made us all jump. It was higher and shriller than Holly’s, so we knew that it was Kipps.
Her head was underwater, her arms all limp and dangly, her long hair stretching out like river-weeds …’ Lockwood nodded impatiently. ‘There’s no need to get poetic.
I wasn’t especially sickly, or a lovelorn boy, so I frankly wasn’t La Belle Dame’s target audience,
Bisexual Lucy?
And it had tried to take Lockwood from me.
‘Lockwood!’ I slapped him hard across the cheek.
for that Russian trapeze artist with the thighs.
Kipps had got hot teas from a bearded lady who seemed to like him.
‘So? It’s still your fault! You can’t let any old ghost-woman go around fingering my jar. It’s your responsibility to look after it. I can’t do it, can I? I’m in your care. I call it negligence, pure and simple.’
Inspector Barnes came up to me and shook me by the hand.’ ‘Doesn’t sound like him,’ I said. ‘Was he ill?’ Lockwood glanced at his palm and wiped it on his knee. ‘I do hope not. No,
Why is that popinjay Sir Rupert Gale so interested in you?
What a cool word
He’s been like a plump whirlwind. And there was a most distressing glimpse of pink flesh when he bent down to pick up a paperclip. I’d have feared for my life if I wasn’t already dead.’
Skull being rude to George hahaha
Honestly, those digestive biscuits have higher IQs than you.’
Where’s Marissa, then? That’s not her. It’s a spotty bloke scoffing a sausage roll. I’d have thought even you could see that.’
‘We ought to run him through and have done with it,’ I growled. Lockwood smiled. ‘Yes, but it would only spoil this nice clean floor.’
‘She may look good to you, but whatever she’s been doing to look so young, it isn’t yoga, I can tell you that.’
Then he left the chair and walked round the table and put his arms about me and pulled me to him. Time did weird stuff again. We stood like that for I don’t know how long. I’d have been happy for it to go on longer.
despite his advanced age of twenty-two,
What an old man Kipps is
Our anger needed an outlet, and here were some senior citizens in armour trying to kill us. That pretty much fitted the bill.
‘Oh, is that it?’ the skull said. ‘I was enjoying that. Bit of senseless violence does wonders for morale. You should break in somewhere every night. There are heaps of old people’s homes in London. Let’s choose another one tomorrow.’
He looked like an elderly owl that had recently fallen out with a woodpecker.
Ahh another classic George look
‘Do not interrupt Marissa when she’s—’ ‘Sorry, I do interrupt quite often, don’t I? Oops, clumsy me! Just did it again.’
Skull vs Ezekiel
I drew myself up to my full height, every aching bit of my (almost) five feet six.
Same, Lucy
Penelope Fittes was orchestrating them, and had been for many years. It’s a grievous betrayal of everything her grandmother stood for. Marissa Fittes will be turning in her grave.’
What genius wordplay from Lockwood
Slowly, carefully, I picked up the necklace and hung it around my neck. Then I put on my jacket and ran for the stairs.
