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May 21 - May 23, 2020
One of its most helpful aspects is how it exposes nine ways our human nature manages our ego’s* collection of coping addictions that we have wrapped around our most intimate and deepest pain—our Childhood Wound.
These patterns fortify a kind of whole-person muscle memory (which includes the psychological or mental, emotional or spiritual, and somatic or physical) that shapes how we think, feel, and act.
Simply put, the Enneagram offers nine mirrors for self-reflection. These nine mirrors, if we choose to gaze into them directly, can help us shake loose of our illusions that get us lost from home in the first place.
The Enneagram’s movement hinges on the directions our type takes based on every choice we make, every action we take, every thought we have—all of these contribute either to our overall health, which brings about movement toward integration, or to a disordered state of unhealth, which causes movement toward disintegration.
To recognize ourselves in integration requires that we accept the best of ourselves in our dominant type.
Through affective connections that may seem authentic, heart people externalize their interior fears of not being loved, valued, or seen. At their core they project their fears through quiet attempts to have their own needs met: Twos want to be loved for who they are; Threes are concerned they’re more
Yes, I’m a Two- with a one and a nine.
Our personality is the mask we wear—it is part of us but not the whole. Some of the masks we wear are formed for us by our environment and upbringing, some we forge through the mythology of our own ego projections, and some are unfairly put on us by society as caricatures. Regardless of where they come from, it’s up to us to determine how long we’ll wear them.
The wound of never being able to measure up fortified their Basic Fear that they are somehow inherently corrupt. That fear fuels their constant frustration with things, which is transmuted through anger, the traditional Passion of the One. But the anger of the One isn’t rage so much as the exasperating annoyance that everything around them
(and more intensely, everything inside them) is flawed. And tragically, they put unrealistic pressure on themselves to be the one to fix and correct it all. This constant frustration with all that has gone awry is immediately obvious to them, and what’s amiss about anything is usually the first thing they notice.
If the Passion of the One is anger, then the traditional Fixation of the One is resentment. Ones resent themselves first (this is true for all types; each of us aims the energy of our Fixation internally first, perfecting the negative impressions of it on our own egos before transmuting it externally), feeling that they know better or that in every situation they could have done better. Because of their flaws they beat themselves up, second-guessing the words they used in conversation, for example, or fretting
about the quality of work they presented at school or to their employers; just about every decision they make throughout the day is internally interrogated and found to be wanting.
Finally, when Ones learn to rest and open themselves to undeserved grace, their Virtue of serenity blossoms. Centered Ones reflect integrity and goodness, and the peacefulness with which they offer those things is disarming and inviting.
Because their Childhood Wound involves the pain of trying to suppress their own needs, Twos experience deep shame when forced to acknowledge their own needs or ask for their needs to
be met. Frequently Twos will take whatever they can get, convincing themselves that even if they’re not being loved the way they want or need, at least they’re receiving something.
Traditionally, the Basic Fear of the Two is living in a world without love, but perhaps more accurately, it is the fear that they aren’t loved for who they are but only for what they give others.
The traditional Passion of the Two is pride, which can be deceiving because the pride of the Two is more like false humility or, even more specifically, self-abnegation. Self-abnegation as the denial of their own needs causes Twos to put everyone else’s needs first. The pride of self-abnegation is fortified by the traditional Fixation of the Two, flattery.
At their best, Twos integrate to the Four, asserting themselves by taking back their power and differentiating themselves from those they love. Integrated Twos may find themselves tapping into their inner creativity as an act
of loving service fueled by their notions of beauty.
When I come out of the sit, the love I’ve tapped into allows me to breathe more deeply and more slowly, my eyes to move across the room more gently, and my words to be fewer. When I come out of silence in our community prayer sits, everyone around me looks a little more beautiful, perhaps a wee bit angelic.
This, I believe, is the true nature of conversion: it happens not in a single moment or pivotal event but in a lifelong series of minor deaths. It is what Jesus spoke plainly of: “If you wish to come after me, you must deny your very selves, take up the instrument of your own death and follow in my footsteps” (Matthew 16:24).
“True happiness is found in seemingly unremarkable things. But to be aware of little, quiet things, you need to be quiet inside. A high degree of alertness is required. Be still. Look. Listen. Be present.”4
Solitude, silence, and stillness are the corrections to the compulsions that come out of our Intelligence Centers, our head, heart, and gut. Together they make us whole. They bring us home.
Contemplative spirituality is critical for everyone. Especially in an age when we are constantly interrupted by digital distractions, contemplation invites us to return to the present moment where God can be encountered.
Giving ourselves to solitude, silence, and stillness not only nurtures the inner spirituality our souls long for but also quiets the mind in a way that offers us the chance to make major corrections to our behaviors that are otherwise obscured by life’s noises. It helps us reconnect with God through deep and focused communion. It helps us face the series of minor deaths required in our pilgrimages home.
Solitude, silence, and stillness lead to better holistic health, with benefits for the mind, soul, and body. We walk slower, we lift our heads a little higher, and we see things we haven’t seen before.
In solitude, a heart person’s essence emerges in painfully liberating ways. Solitude teaches us how to be present—present to God, to ourselves, and to others with no strings attached. Presence in heart people allows for authentic connection to others, as well as to the past and the future, with a focus on the now.
When we give ourselves to contemplative practices marked by solitude, silence, and stillness, our souls are nurtured, our Virtues blossom, and our True Self comes forward. Contemplative spirituality calms the body, stills the emotions, and quiets the mind. And in so doing, it liberates us from ego addictions, thereby giving us the freedom to make major corrections to our behaviors informed by our True Self.
A contemplative approach to the Enneagram invites us to resist the reductionism of inner fragmentation; to realize we aren’t as bad as our worst moments or as good as our greatest successes—but that we are far better than we can imagine and carry the potential to be far worse than we fear. Father Richard once told me, “To cast great light in the world also requires a
When we face the lie that we are what we have and in silence learn to listen,
God says, “My pleasure over you is all you need.” When we stop our frenetic activity and face the lie that we are what we do, God says, “You are my beloved.” When we withdraw into our own interior solitude to face the lie that we are what others think, God says, “My child, rest in the grace of the truth that you belong to me.”
Consent is more than acquiescence. Consent is active agreement, the agreement to give of yourself, though not at your expense or in a way that diminishes you, but rather as an offering of love. Consent is saying yes to more of everything that helps facilitate your coming home, your liberation.
Twos who withdraw to solitude consent to be present to God rather than to please God, which allows them to be filled by God with the love they long for.
Ultimately, people dominant in type One need to learn to rest in stillness. Stillness for Ones connects them to the reality of who they are by calming the emotional energy of their anger and releasing the mental vise grip in which their resentment holds them.
We notice a deeper sense of groundedness in all three of our centers. Our conscious mind becomes a quiet place of clarity that isn’t overactive and constantly distracted. The powerful emotions of our subconscious are less reactive and can be trusted as a place to practice discernment. And the unconscious energy we carry in our body loosens its somatic grasp.
