We Are Never Meeting in Real Life.

by Samantha Irby

anxi-sizing [anxiety fantasizing]

I don’t want to waste a thousand calories on apple juice, a cheap and unsatisfying provisional solution to my despair, when I could invest those same calories in something that will really dull the sharp edge of life’s blade, like a slice of the birthday cake that was half-price because little Timmy’s parents never picked it up.

I can’t afford therapy, but I can buy a sandwich.