Unsuitable Boy

by Karan Johar

Fathers and sons, probably one of the most emotionally deep, human relationships. Probably one of the most intense human equations. Words alone cannot describe what a father and son feel for each other, simply because there are such few words in this relationship. So much is left unsaid between the two of them. Communication, or rather a lack of it, always broadens the gap between the two of them. There’s always a gap between a father and son, always a gap between a name and a surname. I’ve always asked myself and today I address this question to all of you sons out there: Why did you stop hugging your father after a certain age? Why did you stop expressing, and being affectionate to your father after a certain age? Why is there this inexplicable awkwardness between a father and son? Why are all your emotions, your innermost thoughts, your tears, always reserved for your mother, your sister and then your wife? Why? Because you then become a father, and then you bottle up, just like your father did, and this vicious circle continues. Who is going to break this vicious circle? I realized, and I’m sure this applies to all of you as well, that, like everybody else, I too had issues, minor issues with my father, like every other son. You could call it a generation gap, you could call it a difference of opinion, you could call it anything. But what I also realized was that I was subconsciously being the man my father is. I was talking like him, feeling like him, loving like him—...

Father and son

sometimes, somebody else’s happiness is a sponge you can absorb from.

Happiness

‘Please don’t ever text serious things. Say them.’ Text messages are the biggest undoing of human relationships because they never come with the tone. Without tone, things sound much worse than they are. The emotion is not there in the message, they are just words. I always believe—speak to people. Confront. Confrontation is such an underrated concept. But it’s so important in any relationship. It’s an Indian thing I think, of not sitting across and sorting a problem out. People won’t say I have a problem with you. They’ll insinuate, they’ll back off, they won’t message, they won’t call back, and they’ll sulk. It’s such a stupid waste of time. I used to be non-confrontational, but I’ve become confrontational because once too often I’ve been scarred by the lack of communication in a relationship. Always confront. Don’t allow things to fester. If you continue to suppress the emotion, it will explode in your face one day.

Confrontation

‘Please don’t ever text serious things. Say them.’ Text messages are the biggest undoing of human relationships because they never come with the tone. Without tone, things sound much worse than they are. The emotion is not there in the message, they are just words. I always believe—speak to people. Confront. Confrontation is such an underrated concept. But it’s so important in any relationship. It’s an Indian thing I think, of not sitting across and sorting a problem out. People won’t say I have a problem with you. They’ll insinuate, they’ll back off, they won’t message, they won’t call back, and they’ll sulk. It’s such a stupid waste of time. I used to be non-confrontational, but I’ve become confrontational because once too often I’ve been scarred by the lack of communication in a relationship. Always confront. Don’t allow things to fester. If you continue to suppress the emotion, it will explode in your face one day.

Text messages and confrontation

Nothing fails like success sometimes. So at the end of the day, expectations increase and living up to them is so stressful. Failure can be a beautiful place because there’s a way up then. Success is like holding on. How do you keep holding on to something that can easily slip out of your hands? You’re holding it tight, but when you hold something tight your entire body is tense. That’s what success is. It tenses you to the extent that your mind, body, heart, soul, everything is tense. But when you’re a failure, it has slipped out of your hands. So there’s an ease. There’s a certain comfort in it—oh, I failed, I’m sad; three days later I’ll rise again, I’ll try again. But when you’re holding on, gripping, every nerve in your body is tense. Success is a huge, huge burden to live with. It’s not easy. I get it. I get it on a subliminal and deep level.

Success

Nothing fails like success sometimes. So at the end of the day, expectations increase and living up to them is so stressful. Failure can be a beautiful place because there’s a way up then. Success is like holding on. How do you keep holding on to something that can easily slip out of your hands? You’re holding it tight, but when you hold something tight your entire body is tense. That’s what success is. It tenses you to the extent that your mind, body, heart, soul, everything is tense. But when you’re a failure, it has slipped out of your hands. So there’s an ease. There’s a certain comfort in it—oh, I failed, I’m sad; three days later I’ll rise again, I’ll try again. But when you’re holding on, gripping, every nerve in your body is tense. Success is a huge, huge burden to live with. It’s not easy. I get it. I get it on a subliminal and deep level.

Success