Unsuitable Boy

by Karan Johar

That power of love is mine. To love someone is such a feeling of power, because even if you don’t get that love back, you still have it. It could be a weakness, it could be a strength. It’s how you look at it. I look at the love I had as a source of great strength.

I’m not in love with anyone any more. I’m love-free, sex-free—completely free. I feel I’m not accountable to anyone and my mother has given me the strength to say that I’m not even accountable to her any more.

But I’m detached from the eventuality of a product, the success that I used to give so much importance to. If it flops, it’s fine, something else will work. If it’s a hit, great, move on. Now I feel numb to both success and failure. The only thing that excites me is when I leave my zone and get lost on a trip, check into a hotel, sit in my own space.

‘Why the hell are you not realizing that you were born to be in the movies? You’re overdramatic, you’re melodramatic, you’re funny. The only thing you don’t have is an interval because you have this non-stop mad energy. You’re meant for the movies. You were always a big fan of the movies. You’ll be a film-maker one day. Why can’t you see it? Why don’t you listen to me? Assist me, gain this experience and make a movie of your own.’

Today, when I look back, I think I set a certain precedent for things to come. I brought the director out of the closet, pun not intended. I started that movement of bringing the director into focus.

When I look back, I don’t know why I never developed any arrogance. I handled success really well. When you have a sense of low self-esteem, and when you achieve success, there’s relief more than arrogance. There’s relief that this is now my home for life. Now I can’t be pushed out of this domain. I can linger here for a long time because I’ve done one solid film that will be considered a landmark in Hindi cinema.