More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Lady McTwatface
You fit my needs before I fit yours.”
Party hats and piñata on full display. His breathing turned
my punishment for holding my liquor like a leaky bucket.
sniff him and kiss him and love him as hard as Lenny loved the rabbits in Mice of Men. I would hold him and pet him until I crushed this little infatuation to death.
found the utopia of office supplies and was like a happy whore in brothel paradise. I started
the things that go through my head.
Trust me, it’s Crazyland up there.”
had the mating skills of a ram on the National Geographic channel, but he got the point. “You’re
“How about you stop trying to figure out what I’m hoping for and just be you?” “Oh.” That could be disastrous. I blinked and looked at his chest, my finger casually plucking at a button. “Well, this is how I do me.” I let my hands drop and stood there like a lifeless mannequin, very Frankenstein before the whole come-to-life zap. His fingers tipped
tried to get the ball rolling everything stopped. I was not a pro-baller. I
bringing this bitch back to life now. It was deader than Charlie Brown’s Christmas
Mission Control, we have lift off! My
of course,
I’d seen his penis through his pants. That thing would never fit in my mouth.
The area between my vagina and my inner thighs was tender. I wasn’t sure if they were tendons or muscles or what, but they ached like a motherfucker—a constant reminder that I’d done naughty things last night. Were
he might expect the presidential treatment, and that hype was just a lot of noise. Blowjobs sucked. Ha. I’m so clever. Stepping
Collecting myself, I went through a few fast ground rules. One, no teeth raking. Two, anything past my molars and I’d gag. Three, something about humming to speed things up. And four, don’t forget how that one guy flipped out when you stuck a finger up his ass.
guys got weird if you snuck in their backyard without permission. Okay, time to get’er done.
love of God, it was like a rolling pin—I
That was how someone wound up losing a testicle.
my head. Shit! I was going down! My lips stretched over him and the slightest hint that I might choke to
“Fuck, your mouth feels incredible.” Can I interest you in my vagina?
heart raced, as I suddenly wanted to do whatever possible to hold onto such adoration. What were we just standing around for, people? We had a job to do.
became a Nobel Prize winner of blowjobs, making academic advances for women everywhere.
groaned—actually groaned—because I wasn’t ready to stop. I was solving world peace down
Keebler vagina,
unusually big down there.”
pincushion for my partner.
broke my eyelids because I couldn’t summon them to open for the life of me. Warm
Annie Wilkes on anyone who tried to come between my happy vagina and Hale’s magical penis. With a soft kiss, he withdrew,
My mom had a saying about politics and religion. Her theory was both topics were like a penis. It was okay to have one, but it was impolite to whip it out in mixed company or try to cram it down someone’s throat.
he had a habit of making an enema face in public. This was something we should
trap door in their underwear,
dick waving around in the free world.
astoundingly easy, like doing a shot of tequila with no chaser. Proud of myself, I rubbed my cheek against his thigh, and
Prince Everhard.
Trumpets played, doves were released, and I swear to God, a parade marched right through his great room. I was riding the Macy’s float to Disney World. Finding
was in some sort of pretzel twist, so when he filled me, I felt it in my sinuses. “Jesus H. Christ.” His movements slowed
Spreading my folds, he wedged himself in, and I gasped. He hoisted my hips off the bed and folded my knees under my body as he gently fucked me. Oddly, this woke me up. Who knew sex could be more tempting than sleep? At this rate, I might be able to give up coffee. Nah, that was crazy talk. He didn’t take me with the
Always shaved! No guy wants to make out with a wookie!
