People new to polyamory tend to spend a lot of energy defining their boundaries. They usually focus more at first on what they don’t want their partner to do—the activities that make them feel, for some reason, unsafe or downright terrified—than on their actual desires. Setting these limits is, for many people, a necessary first step into the disorienting world of sluthood. However, as partnerships become more sophisticated at operating the boundaries of their relationship, they tend to focus more on what they would enjoy and then strategize about how they can make it safe.
