The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

by Janet W. Hardy

Alas, many people begin to explore open relationships because their partner is pushing them into it or because all their friends are doing it and they don’t want to seem prudish. We ask that you get clear within yourself that you’re doing this for you— because it excites you, because it offers opportunities for learning and growth and fun, because you want to. Make no mistake, this can be a rocky road. If you’re navigating it for the wrong reasons, resentment can easily poison the very relationships you set out to improve. Sexual change can be a path of reprogramming yourself, with abundant sex and love as the carrot and the fear of deprivation, boredom, or self-loathing as the stick. Because we don’t believe the urge toward monogamy is innate, we think you must have learned your feelings and beliefs somewhere—from your parents, from your past lovers, from your culture. What you have learned, you can obviously unlearn, and you can learn something new. Exploring your feelings and changing your reactions to them can be difficult—but what a feeling of power and triumph each time you succeed!