They Both Die at the End

by Adam Silvera

“And I would’ve been game with game over. But that’s not what my parents and sis wanted for me. It’s mad twisted, but surviving showed me it’s better to be alive wishing I was dead than dying wishing I could live forever. If I can lose it all and change my attitude, you need to do the same before it’s too late, dude. You gotta go for it.”

I am a little concerned about spending my End Day with someone who’s accepted dying, someone who’s made mistakes. I don’t know him, obviously, and he might turn out to be insanely destructive—he is outside in the middle of the night on a day he’s slated for death, after all. But no matter what choices we make—solo or together—our finish line remains the same. It doesn’t matter how many times we look both ways. It doesn’t matter if we don’t go skydiving to play it safe, even though it means we’ll never get to fly like my favorite superheroes do. It doesn’t matter if we keep our heads low when passing a gang in a bad neighborhood. No matter how we choose to live, we both die at the end.

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. —John A. Shedd

“We should have a battle plan.” “Battle plans usually involve bullets and bombs,” Rufus says. “Let’s roll with game plan.”

“I just don’t think I should be the judge of who actually needs my help or not, like they should do a dance or sing me a song to prove they’re worthy. Asking for help when you need it should be enough. And what’s a dollar? We’ll make a dollar again.”

because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.

Howie can’t help but be bothered by the fact that his parents, while clearly devastated, are going to be fine without him. They’ve already grown used to living without him, to watching his life from afar—like fans. Like strangers.

Maybe they’re lifelong friends constantly up to no good and constantly lifting each other up. Maybe they’ve just met. Dalma watches the teens run off. “My Last Message would be to find your people. And to treat each day like a lifetime.”

“Will you hate me if I want to go home? I want to rest in my bed where everything is safe and I want you to come with me, but inside this time. I know I spent my life hiding there, but I did my best to live, too, and I want to share this place with you.” Rufus squeezes my hand. “Take me home, Mateo.”

Entire lives aren’t lessons, but there are lessons in lives. You may be born into a family, but you walk into friendships. Some you’ll discover you should put behind you. Others are worth every risk.

“People have their time stamps on how long you should know someone before earning the right to say it, but I wouldn’t lie to you no matter how little time we have. People waste time and wait for the right moment and we don’t have that luxury. If we had our entire lives ahead of us I bet you’d get tired of me telling you how much I love you because I’m positive that’s the path we were heading on. But because we’re about to die, I want to say it as many times as I want—I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”