Goodbye, Vitamin

by Rachel Khong

If I were you is something I’ve never really understood. Why say, “If I were you”? Why say, “If I were you,” when the problem is you’re not me? I wish people would say, “Since I am me,” followed by whatever advice it is they have.

It’s a terminal disease, all the literature keeps saying. “But isn’t everything terminal?” is what I say to nobody, out loud.