New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep (A Vintage Short Original)

by Samantha Irby

The thing that sucks about shows is that, yeah, when the tickets went on sale in October you totally wanted to see Bilal on February 26 at 9:30 p.m. It totally sounded like a possible thing. But then February 26 rolls around, and you had a shit day at work and you puked down your shirt while running to get the express train and you got home only to discover one of the pipes in your kitchen burst and you have a blister on your foot and you just got a GrubHub coupon in your e-mail and

the thought of going back out when the wind chill is -2 is daunting and who cares that the tickets were only seventy-five dollars apiece? He probably wasn’t going to perform “Soul Sista” anyway. You’re staying home.