The Heart's Invisible Furies

by John Boyne

his eyes were wide open and she knew that he had already departed this world for the next.

miasma

lascivious

‘What you know about women,’ replied Maude, ‘could be written in large font on the back of a postage stamp and there’d still be room for the Lord’s Prayer.

cadre

derision

the gates to the courtyard, who waved us in without even a word when they saw the collar around our principal’s neck. ‘Think, lads, of all the great men who have passed through these doors. Éamon de Valera, Seán Lemass, Seán T. O’Kelly. The Countess Markievicz who, strictly speaking, was not a man at all but had the heart and guts of one. We’ll not speak of Michael Collins and the Blueshirts. If you see any of them renegades inside, look the other way as you would a Medusa.

constitutional.

popinjay,

‘Coffee is for Americans and Protestants. Irish people should drink tea. That’s how we were brought up after all. Give me a nice cup of Lyons and I’m content.’

‘Anything is possible,’ I said. ‘But most things are unlikely.’

mélange

‘It’ll be better if you call me than the other way around. I wouldn’t be the type to phone a boy. But I won’t be waiting by the telephone for you either, so don’t get any notions on that score. And if Daddy answers, tell him that you’re a civil servant from the Department of Education, because he’ll approve of that. Otherwise he’ll give you short shrift.’

subterfuge

guile

mendacity

predilections

The women in this city have gone to hell, if you ask me. Dirty little pups, all of them. We should never have given them the vote, if you ask me. It gave them ideas.’

obfuscation.

‘I remember a friend of mine once telling me that we hate what we fear in ourselves,’

‘I suppose that puts a different complexion on things.’

Although one good thing came out of it: he said that if I was going to go around kissing people then I should clean my teeth first because my breath smelled of Tayto crisps. That was sound advice. I’ve stuck with it over the years and it’s got me far.’

repudiate

it’s as if we were born with two life-forces between us but he got all of his share and half of mine too.’

was drawn to her; there was no question about that. Not physically but emotionally. Temperamentally.

‘Oh don’t patronize me,’ she snapped, turning serious again. ‘People always say that, you see, but they’re wrong. It wasn’t his loss. It was mine. I loved him.’

I still miss him, despite everything. I just wish he’d been honest with me, that’s all. If he’d told me a few days before that he didn’t love me enough to marry me, if we could have just sat down and discussed things, then even if he’d still wanted to call it all off, it would have been difficult but at least I could have been part of the decision.

What sort of man does that? And what sort of woman does it make me that if he walked in here right now I’d probably throw myself into his arms?’

she understood completely the condition of loneliness and how it undermines us all, forcing us to make choices that we know are wrong for us.

she was equally culpable. No woman is ever truly seduced. It’s a mutual decision on the part of the seducer and the seduced. Ironically, the only person who really suffered was the one who had done nothing wrong.’

conciliatory

‘Why do you have to lie about everything? Hide everything? Why not just tell the truth? What the fuck is wrong with simply being honest with people from the start?’

‘It happens,’ he said with a shrug. ‘We all fall in the shit many times during our lives. The trick is pulling ourselves out again.’

I could tell that whatever scars lingered from his past, there was little chance of them ever healing.

And that, I realized, was a question I found impossible to answer.

philistine.

our eyes met in a moment of recognition that sent a shiver through my body so deeply that I was forced to reach a hand out to the windowsill to steady myself.

that life had manifested the heart’s invisible furies on his face.

I had allowed a crush to become an obsession. I’d been infatuated with the idea of his friendship, with the awareness of his beauty, and by his unique ability to transfix all those around him. But Julian had never loved me in return. He may have liked me, he may have cared about me like a brother, but he had never loved me romantically.

was one of those fine mornings where one just feels happy to be alive.

interrupting her before she could get lost on this road.

need to get back to the office. Those windows won’t stare out themselves all afternoon.

‘I’d rather bore a hole to the centre of the earth with my tongue.

philistines.

I’ve always believed that if women could only collectively harness the power that they have then they’d rule the world. But they don’t. I don’t know why. And for all their weakness and stupidity, men are smart enough to know that being in charge counts for a lot. They have that over us at least.’

I was always the wanter, not the wanted. I was always the one filled with desire

Maybe there were no villains in my mother’s story at all. Just men and women, trying to do their best by each other. And failing. ‘All these people,’ she said sorrowfully. ‘And all of that trouble. And look, they’re all dead now. So what did it all matter in the end?’