I wanted to control reality, to create a self that would thrive in the world, while Jesus said, “Take up your cross and follow me” (Matt. 16:24 CEV). I wanted to be cutting-edge and savvy, knowing the right people and being accepted in the right circles, while Jesus said, “The last will be first, and the first last” (Matt. 20:16), and warned against imitating the Pharisees who “love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats” (Matt. 23:6).
