The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating

by David M. Buss

Despite their best intentions and vows of lifelong love, nearly half of all married couples end up divorcing.

Conflict in mating is the norm and not the exception.

Strategies are methods for accomplishing goals, the means for solving problems. It may seem odd to view human mating, romance, sex, and love as inherently strategic. But humans, like other sexually reproducing species, do not choose mates randomly.

All of us descend from a long and unbroken line of ancestors who competed successfully for desirable mates, attracted mates who were reproductively valuable, retained mates long enough to reproduce, fended off interested rivals, and solved the problems that could have impeded reproductive success.

Women, like female weaverbirds, prefer men with desirable “nests.”

Consider one of the problems that women in evolutionary history had to face: selecting a man who would be willing to commit to a long-term relationship.

People do not always desire the commitment required of long-term mating.

Men and women sometimes deliberately pursue a short-term sexual strategy—a brief fling, a one-night hookup, a weekend liaison, or a casual affair.

Female preferences, in short, determine many of the ground rules of the male contests.

But men and male elephant seals share a key characteristic: both must compete to attract females. Males who fail to attract females risk being shut out of mating.

one mate may break up a relationship because of the failure of the other to fulfill key needs and wants, or simply because someone fresher, more compelling, or more beautiful arrives. Mates, once gained, must be retained.