The Descent of Man

by Grayson Perry

Men from lower socioeconomic groups usually denied power in a wider political or cultural sense do seem to have a tendency to find power in cruder, more physical ways.

In every walk of life, men have what I call the “dogs sniffing arses” conversation, a kind of conversational Top Trumps.

During conversations with men, I have often become conscious of point-scoring.

Society needs to put a consoling arm around men’s shoulders and say, “Look, I know it’s been tough, and you have done a great job of dominating, defending and providing with your big, strong male body, but things are changing. We still love you, but we don’t need so much of that anymore and you can enjoy other things now.”

A man cornered by his own infidelity, anger or depression is not a pretty sight, no matter what school he went to.

At the darker end of the spectrum is professional sexist Daryush Valizadeh, better known as pickup artist Roosh V, whose website is called Return of Kings (sigh). Sample articles include: “5 Ways to Groom an Indian Girl to Be a Subservient Wife”

But in a way, that is exactly what I am selling. Fulfillment of masculinity is often sold on the strength of peak experiences: winning battles, pulling women, pure adrenaline, moments of ecstasy. But life ain’t like that. We rarely, if ever, take our car (masculinity) onto a racetrack, so maybe we need a version that works doing the everyday things. We need a masculinity that’s easy to park, with a big trunk, child seats and low fuel consumption. Men need to learn to equip themselves for peace.

Brown found that the people who had the best, most fulfilling relationships were those who took emotional risks and showed their weaknesses and failures, their vulnerable underbellies. They allow a way in for other people.