Paint It All Red (Mindf*ck, #5)

by S.T. Abby

Love is not supposed to be beautiful. It’s supposed to be a raw, gritty struggle that forces you to face the most vulnerable parts of yourself, so that when the good times come, you can savor and enjoy them, fully appreciate what they’re worth. Otherwise, you take it all for granted. —Lana Myers

Fuck the list. It’s time for the endgame.

She trusted me.

All along, I was in love with the girl who wants this town dead.

She saved my life. I cast her aside.

I walked out when she simply cried. The cold-hearted killer who tortured and slaughtered the monsters from her past… I made her cry. She never even got angry.

“Then we talked face-to-face, and she fucking smiled when she said your name. She smiled like there was hope.”

“I was stalling,”

“But after she met you? I saw so much fucking hope. As of today, I saw an

These men? They destroyed her entire family. They destroyed her. Two fucking kids!”

But Lana tried. Jake tried. They were denied.

“I loved him,”

“I loved him and treated him like my dirty little secret in public, while loving him with all I had behind closed doors. Marcus accepted the scraps I offered, because he loved me so much he ...

“There wasn’t a time in all these years that I questioned what I’d do for him since failing him so terribly when he was still alive. I took him for granted. I took what we had for granted. I never realized how very fucking rare it all was or how quickly it could all be gone.”

“Lana… I never thought she’d love anyone the way I loved Marcus. I thought they’d broken her. I thought they’d stolen every last shred of her heart. The only thing keeping her alive was the fire inside her that burned with pure, unadulterated hatred.”

“She loved you. She had two visions of how this would all

go. One ended with you loving her as much as she loves you, and you’d stand by her no matter what, feel her pain as if it was your own. Unfortunately, you chose option number two, proving me right, even though I desperately wanted you to prove me wrong.”

In your eyes, it’s better to forever be the victim than to ever feel

peace again, because a real monster might die at the hands of someone who won’t show mercy.”

since you did the worst thing you could possibly do. You silenced her. You refused to listen. Now I have to pray I’m enough of a reason for her to want to live.”

Learned to taper any sort of feeling that was too strong. But not today. I fall apart, tossing everything in the cabin as my heart gets yanked out of my chest, and I lash out for the first time in over fifteen years.

know. Look after yourself. Don’t worry about me.

And thank you for accepting me and understanding.

The end is coming. But I almost don’t even care anymore.

Delaney Grove was once my home. Then it became my hell.

“He doesn’t love me like I love him,” I say hoarsely. “I love him

enough to burn the world to the ground in his name.”

“He just loves me enough to feel betrayed,”

“We swore we’d never do this to each other, Lana. Never push the other away no matter how intense the world around us got. You don’t get to fucking send me away because you’re hurting. Got that? You don’t get to use Marcus against me ever again.

Understood?”

All that matters is that I finish my mission. Avenge my family. And burn this town to the ground. I don’t need to feel love in order to be a monster. I just need to remember.

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. —Confucius

“My stepfather was a monster, and my mother and her shrink convinced me I was a pathological liar for seeing him as such.” Her random, yet pained comment has me tensing. “Seventy kids in total that we know about, Logan.”

She’s stronger than you’re giving her credit for, and yeah, maybe I’m a sick motherfucker, but I’m on her side.”

“You were everything to her,”

“I’ve never been loved like that. She saved your life, Logan. This town tried to kill you, and she saved you. Personally, I think it’s over-the-top to stab a guy for the man you love, but still perfectly effective.”

You can’t hang out in limbo. I chose mine, and it’s her.”

“I hope you never catch this one. I hope this one ends every shred of evil this town has left in it. I believe in avenging angels, Agents. And I think this killer has been granted a dark gift to rid this world of the corruption this town offers. I thought there was a soul left to save, but now I don’t think there is. I think the angels’ wrath is here.”

“If you’re not arresting me, I’m going to go pick up my baby sister and take her far, far away from this place.”

“Because this place is going to burn. I can promise you that.”

Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. —Albert Einstein

Einstein believed that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

These are the men who I feared for so long? One who beats his child and wife, but couldn’t land a single punch on me? One who cries on the floor in the fetal position, praying

I’ll disappear like a bad dream, instead of fighting for his life?

False face must hide what the false heart doth know. —William Shakespeare

They stole. They lied. They brokered peace with the devil in exchange for the souls of an innocent family. Yet you call me the monster. Fuck you. <3

Memory is deceptive because it is colored by today’s events. —Albert Einstein

Then, like every fucking horror movie I’ve ever seen, a chill rides up my spine, and I know without a doubt someone is directly behind me.

but since you were hiding in the closet, I’m sure you heard all that.”

I suck in a breath, and his lips twitch.