My redheaded teacher taught us about the great composers. Here is what I remember: Bach was a scrolled mahogany computer wearing a little wig. Mozart just farted all the time. Beethoven was deaf and had thunder for hair. Wagner was a Nazi and he had hooves instead of feet. Stravinsky bore the mark of the beast on his forehead. Aaron Copland was cut up for steaks by the National Beef Council and Tchaikovsky was a marzipan baby. John Cage had sex with a piano for five minutes in the middle of the stage at Carnegie Hall and at the end all of New York applauded.
