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After all, a genius may have invented the wheel, but someone with practicality thought of the axle.
“There’s just something magical about the first time you watch a rookie get demolished.”
“Uh huh. And why haven’t I noticed this lab anywhere around my house?” Ivan’s irises hadn’t vanished yet, but darkness was beginning to creep slowly through his sclera. “Well, obviously, because we put it in the basement,” Wade replied. “I don’t have a... Wade, what did you do?”
All things considered, the plan wasn’t a bad one. But it was literally as subtle as a giant green dragon barreling through the desert with an insect summoner and a fire-conjuring woman clinging to its back.
The small girl barreled into Ivan’s legs with such ferocity it might have knocked him off-balance had she been several tons heavier. Her arms curled around his legs, hugging him in the unashamed way that only children ever seem to manage. It was a tragedy that humanity lost that skill as it grew older—perhaps the world might have been a better place if everyone were so free with their affection.
“That, my friend, would be doing a disservice to our own new recruits. Do you know what superheroes need, above all else? What gives us purpose, reminds the people that we matter, ensures that we will always have a place in this world?” “Villains,” Lady Shade replied. “We have to have criminals and metas to fight, otherwise why would we be needed?” “Precisely,” Apollo said. “They are evil, certainly, but a necessary evil. And when our new group of heroic champions is ready to go into the world, they will need villains to fight. The older, more experienced members of that guild are too wily and
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“Well, since it looks like we’re all about to fucking die, anyone else want to have a last drink with me?”
“We gave them the floaties and the lessons, now we hurl them into the pool and hope they can swim.”
“Oh crap, I’m going to have to ask her out if I want to see her again, aren’t I?” Ren put a reassuring arm over his friend’s back and patted him on the shoulder. “On the plus side, now fighting criminals doesn’t seem so scary, does it?”
“As opposed to, say, knowing that if you screwed up, it would probably cost you your life?” Tori shook her head and got up from the table, dishes in hand as she made her way to the kitchen. “You don’t get it, Ivan. That was just my life. This, this is fucking money.”
“I robbed a museum. That’s a far cry from murder. Just because I’m willing to break one law doesn’t mean I’ll ignore them all. Now, are you able to survive the fall or not? You’re heavier than you look.”
“I’ve got an idea,” Hephaestus said. “Is it a good idea?” “Holy shit, no. But it might work.”
“I want it on the record that I deeply regret coming back to save you.”
“This is why I love rookies! A rocket dragon. A fucking rocket dragon! Have we ever had that before?”
This felt like the kind of day that should have been cloudy and bleak, but it seemed sometimes monsters lurked even in the sunshine.
“Can’t believe you didn’t use it in the fight with Medley.” “I didn’t want to kill Medley.” This was true yet skirted the fact that her beam could be broken easily, a design flaw she was now determined to fix at the first opportunity. “So, to keep a cape safe, you held back when the whole guild was watching and didn’t show your best weapon, which almost cost you your victory.” Rust Tooth fell forward, taking the landing face-first as his hands stayed wrapped around his side. “And yet you beat me. What the hell kind of villain are you?” “I’m the patron saint of bad bitches.”
Trying to shatter peace, even if it’s not one you agree with, is the work of the mad and the wicked, so I understand why Balaam would do it. But you, Apollo, I’d thought maybe you were a bit smarter.
“And that’s why they call me Johnny Three Dicks, doll. No matter which way you try to come, you’re still fucked.”
“See, this is why you need roommates,” Beverly said as they stepped through the door. “There’s nothing like teamwork for properly instilling fear in someone’s heart.”
