The Mindful Twenty-Something: Life Skills to Handle Stress…and Everything Else (Life Skills to Handle Stress... and Everything Else)

by Holly B. Rogers

Each one of us is a visitor to this planet, a guest who has only a finite time to stay. What greater folly could there be than to spend this short time lonely, unhappy, and in conflict with our fellow visitors? Far better, surely, to use our short time in pursuing a meaningful life, enriched by a sense of connection with and service toward others. —Dalai Lama

mindfulness, an approach to life that involved learning to give the bulk of your attention to your present-moment experience, instead of wasting time worrying about the future or regretting the past. This approach would allow me to experience greater satisfaction and peace of mind, and it was something that anyone could learn by practicing a particular technique called mindfulness meditation.

I began to experience a number of the profound changes that a mindfulness practice promised. I worried less about the future, found more joy in life’s simple pleasures, and became more clear about what I wanted from life. As time went by, I frequently found myself thinking, I wish someone had taught me this when I was in medical school, because I knew my educational experience would have been enhanced by mindfulness practice during those years.

Wonderfully, twenty-somethings are curious, energetic, and open-minded. Typically, people your age are willing to learn new things and take on new challenges, and most of you are optimistic that you will get what you want out of life (Arnett 2004).

Mindfulness develops self-awareness that informs all of your important life choices.

It helps you manage your stress and maintain peace of mind.

It helps you connect with all the marvelous moments in your day so that you don’t miss out on any of the fun ...

In fact, the actual circumstances of our lives have relatively little to do with our general level of happiness (Lyubomirsky, Sheldon, and Schkade 2005).

Around 10% according to some researchers…

Instead, it is largely the way we think about and relate to the events of our lives that influences whether we live with great satisfaction or intense suffering. Getting clear on this particular misconception has the potential to significantly improve your life.

Mindfulness is the act of paying attention to your present-moment experience with an attitude of compassionate curiosity. Rather than worrying about the future or rehashing the past, you hold your attention on the moment at hand.

mindful is actually a capacity that is naturally present in all of us,

Mindfulness helps you develop the internal conditions that lead to enduring happiness so that you are not so vulnerable to the constantly changing external conditions of your life experience. Thus, it offers you the opportunity to maintain your peace of mind no matter what events you encounter.

Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. —Unknown

A short list of medical conditions that have been shown to improve with mindfulness includes eating disorders, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), chronic pain, depression, high blood pressure, cardiac illness, anxiety, and substance abuse and addiction.

Almost all stress-related conditions will improve with regular mindfulness training.

Additionally, mindfulness improves test scores, s...

It boosts immune function and reduces st...

But in fact, there is no separation between body and mind. Body is mind; mind is body.

Every thought (I think I’ll watch one more show before I start on my project) or emotion (irritation at being stuck behind a slow-moving car) you experience is caused by chemicals moving between the nerve cells in your brain, producing physical changes that are experienced as thoughts and emotions.

Mindfulness will not eliminate all difficulties from your life, but it can diminish how disruptive they are. Mindfulness teaches you a different approach to the inevitable ups and downs of life, an approach that improves your resilience so that you stay on your feet and keep moving.

Though training your brain is as important as training your body, most people don’t recognize this. Just as you get faster by running three miles a day or get stronger by lifting weights, you can become more mindful by practicing meditation. Often we refer to meditation practice as “building your mindfulness muscle.” Most young adults are willing to devote hours a week to working toward fitter, more attractive bodies. Might it be worth putting in some time to develop a fitter mind as well?

you’d start with 20 pounds or 50 pounds and slowly work your way up to the heavier weight.

It’s exactly the same with mindfulness training. The lightest weight of mindfulness training is a few minutes of meditation, seated in a comfortable chair in a quiet location. Slightly heavier weights are longer durations of time or less ideal conditions.

Close your eyes. Pay attention to your breathing and see whether you can find the place in your body where you most clearly feel the sensations of your breath moving in and out. You might notice it at the tip of your nose or in the rise and fall of your belly or chest. It makes no difference at all where you feel your breath; there’s no “right” place.

You may notice that your mind wanders quickly, maybe even before the end of the first breath. When that happens, without judging yourself or your wandering mind, bring your attention back to your breath. Stop after you’ve completed ten breaths.

Your goal during a meditation practice is very simply to fully inhabit the present moment by holding your awareness on the sensation of your breath or some other sensory experience.

Because accepting each moment as it is—non-striving—is an absolutely essential element of mindfulness meditation. Non-striving is the bedrock of mindfulness. It may seem irrational, but it is a fundamental truth of this practice that you can only achieve these states by being completely unattached to achieving them.

So, what is the goal when you sit down to practice? The goal is to have no goals other than being fully present and curious about each and every moment.

If you try to stop your thoughts, you will fail, and then you will hate it and then you will quit. So don’t do it.

With meditation you are not trying to stop those thoughts; you are just trying to change your relationship to them.

Every judgment or assumption you hold without questioning is a bar in a cage you are building around yourself.

For example, when you first begin to meditate, you will likely have thoughts such as This is cool; I’m good at this or This is lame; what a waste of time. These are part of the broad category of thoughts we call judgments.

Any thought about liking or not liking something or someone is a judgment. Any thought assessing whether something is good or bad, right or wrong is a judgment.

Observations reveal truth; judgments conceal truth.

at first it can be hard to actually see the difference between judgments and observations.

Observations reveal the content of your river of thought and point you toward insightful action. Judgments just keep you stuck.

It takes practice to observe someone or something as different without automatically attaching some negative judgment to that observation.

The five traditional hindrances are greed, aversion, sloth or torpor, restlessness or worry, and doubt.

Contemplate This: The mind is likely to give up before the body does. —George Mumford

There’s an old story that illustrates this truth: Young Student: Wise teacher, what is the secret to happiness? Wise Teacher: Good choices. Young Student: How do I learn to make good choices? Wise Teacher: Wisdom. Young Student: How do I develop wisdom? Wise Teacher: Bad choices.

This interest in personal growth—or, as I call it, the development of wisdom—is why twenty-somethings have so much to gain from mindfulness.

Contemplate This: Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. —Rumi

Contemplate This: Most people think of success as achieving goals. I invite clients to consider a different definition: success is living by our values. With this definition, we can be successful right now even though our goals may be a long way off (and even though we may actually never achieve them). —Russ Harris