How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 (The How To Talk Series)

by Joanna Faber

I have one last pitfall to warn you against. One of my own biggest problems with keeping harmony between the siblings was that I tended to take the younger one’s side. “Oh, Dan, just give it to him. He’s only two years old. You need to be patient. Don’t be so rough, you’re hurting him. Be nice.” Without fail this would incite mutual hatred and resentment. Dan would angrily defend himself, “But I had it first . . . I barely touched him . . . It’s not fair . . . You always take his side!” And Sam, the little one, would get even more worked up. He’d hide behind my leg while I was defending him and then lunge out and try to kick his older brother in a fit of righteous rage. It helps to hold back that first “protect the baby” remark. Resist the urge to demonize the older or stronger child. If you can describe the problem from both points of view it will make a big difference in the mood. “Dan wants to build something with his blocks without the loose pieces being moved around, and Sam wants to touch the blocks, too. This is a tough problem. What can we do?” Notice that I also resisted the temptation to be dismissive of the problem itself. I wanted to say, “Oh, gee whiz, it’s only a few blocks! Can’t you just get along?” But it’s more helpful to be respectful of the problem. Building that block tower is just as important to a four-year-old as your work is to you!