By praising descriptively—by looking, listening, and noticing—we hold up a mirror to our children to show them their strengths. That’s how children form their image of themselves. These are more than nice individual moments. We’re creating a stockpile of memories that cannot be taken away. “Good boy” can be canceled out the next day by “bad boy.” “You’re a smart girl” by “What a stupid thing to do!” “Careful” by “Careless” . . . and so on. But you can’t take away the time he shoveled the whole walkway even though his arms were tired and his toes were frozen. Or the time he made the baby laugh
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