How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 (The How To Talk Series)

by Joanna Faber

When acknowledging feelings isn’t helping, here are a few things to check: Are you matching the emotion with your tone of voice, or are you just phoning it in? No child (or adult for that matter) wants to hear a calm, syrupy singsong, “Oh, you are frustrated,” when he’s extremely agitated. You have to say it like you mean it. “That’s SO FRUSTRATING!” And don’t forget, you’re not limited to simply labeling the feeling. There are other ways to let a child know that you’re getting it. A sympathetic grunt can be comforting: “Ugh!” “Mmph.” If that’s not enough you can put a child’s thoughts into words: “Stupid Legos!” “Someone should invent bricks that will actually stick together when you put them together!” “You didn’t want that to happen!” Sometimes it helps to tell the story of what happened: “You worked hard on that. You almost had it! You got all the big blue bricks together to make the base. And all the little red bricks for the lights. And you put the alien with a laser on the top. It was almost ready to fly to Mars. And then it exploded! Darn it!” And sometimes the best approach is to say nothing! There are times when children prefer to be left alone, without any interference at all, even when they’re struggling. Children (and adults) don’t always appreciate a running commentary about how they’re feeling. Keep in mind that kids will cry, tempers will fly (as will toys and juice cups). We can’t shield our children from all distress, nor should we. They can’t learn how t...