How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 (The How To Talk Series)

by Joanna Faber

Another situation in which our impulse is to offer reassuring words of praise is when a child compares himself to his peers and finds himself lacking. “Everybody can climb the monkey bars except me! I can’t even get across two. I’m the worst in the whole class.” “Ethan and Jason can already read chapter books. I’m the slowest one at reading.” Our instinct is to jump in with words of praise to bolster our child’s flagging self-esteem. “Oh no, honey, you’re really good at climbing.” “You’re a really good reader! You’re doing an excellent job. I’m sure there are lots of kids who aren’t as good as you are.” This kind of response usually does not achieve the intended effect. Kids will protest even more vehemently that they are indeed the worst, the slowest. When a child is feeling down, it’s more helpful to acknowledge feelings first, instead of offering empty reassurance: “It’s frustrating to see other kids get across all the monkey bars when you can’t do it yet.” “It sounds like you’re feeling discouraged about reading. It’s annoying to be stuck with a picture book when you want to be reading chapter books.”