Enigma Variations

by André Aciman

“I know what clothes you wear, I know the color of every single tie you own, I know that you put on your socks after, not before, putting on your trousers, I even know that you occasionally use collar stays, that you button your shirt from the bottom up, and I know that I want to know you for the rest of my life. I want to see you naked every night. I want to watch you brush your teeth, watch you shave, I want to be the one to shave you when you don’t want to shave, I want to be in the shower with you, I want to rub lotion on your knees, your arms, your inner thighs, your feet, your dainty little toes. I want to watch you read, I want to read to you, I want to go to the movies with you, I want to cook with you and cuddle up and watch TV with you, and if you don’t like chamber music, I’ll drop my subscription and watch action films with you, if that’s what you’re into. I want to lie naked with you now. All I want is to be with you, to be like you—” You did not let me finish. “I want to call you tonight.” Your words hit me in the gut. You could have said, We’re fucking tonight,