The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell: Tales of a 6' 4", African American, Heterosexual, Cisgender, Left-Leaning, Asthmatic, Black and Proud Blerd, Mama's Boy, Dad, and Stand-Up Comedian

by W. Kamau Bell

I guess he’s maybe an Alabama liberal, which is kind of like a San Francisco Republican. You can trust them to mostly do the right thing, but you can’t let them get out of your sight. Because they might go full-on Peter Thiel on you.

My favorite one was, “Absorb what is useful, discard what is useless, and add what is specifically your own.” That became my mantra. It was Bruce giving me permission to live my own life without worrying about what other people thought. Bruce was preparing me for my future as a leading Blerd.

America’s favorite pastime isn’t baseball. It’s telling Black people to behave . . . even when we aren’t doing anything wrong.

And by “theatergoers,” I mean older white people. The kind of older white people who, when they really enjoy something, very slightly nod their heads in the affirmative. And if they hate something—I mean really, really hate something—then they purse their lips slightly and scrunch up their noses as if they have just smelled a dead body but don’t want to be too rude about how bad the smell is.

People don’t realize that without the Bay Area and Los Angeles, the state of California is Texas.

Being able to say no is the most power you can ever have. It is either a luxury when you can afford to leave, or it is necessary for survival when the cost to stay is waaaaay too high.