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In the fixed mindset, athletes want to validate their talent. This means acting like a superstar, not “just” a team member.
“Unfortunately, people often like the things that work against their growth. . . . People like to use their strengths . . . to achieve quick, dramatic results, even if . . . they aren’t developing the new skills they will need later on. People like to believe they are as good as everyone says . . . and not take their weaknesses as seriously as they might. People don’t like to hear bad news or get criticism. . . . There is tremendous risk . . . in leaving what one does well to attempt to master something new.”
“His targets were usually those of us who were most competent. I mean, if you’re really concerned about our performance, you don’t pick on those who are performing best.” But if you’re really concerned about your competence, you do.
When bosses become controlling and abusive, they put everyone into a fixed mindset. This means that instead of learning, growing, and moving the company forward, everyone starts worrying about being judged.
As growth-minded leaders, they start with a belief in human potential and development—both their own and other people’s. Instead of using the company as a vehicle for their greatness, they use it as an engine of growth—for themselves, the employees, and the company as a whole.
Real self-confidence is not reflected in a title, an expensive suit, a fancy car, or a series of acquisitions. It is reflected in your mindset: your readiness to grow.
We now have a workforce full of people who need constant reassurance and can’t take criticism.
These fixed-mindset managers simply look for existing talent—they judge employees as competent or incompetent at the start and that’s that. They do relatively little developmental coaching and when employees do improve, they may fail to take notice, remaining stuck in their initial impression. What’s more (like managers at Enron), they are far less likely to seek or accept critical feedback from their employees.
training and experience can often draw out and develop the qualities required for successful performance.
Sadly, most managers and even CEOs become bosses, not leaders. They wield power instead of transforming themselves, their workers, and their organization.
“Every marriage demands an effort to keep it on the right track; there is a constant tension . . . between the forces that hold you together and those that can tear you apart.”
He was offering Karen support rather than judgment.
The belief that partners have the potential for change should not be confused with the belief that the partner will change. The partner has to want to change, commit to change, and take concrete actions toward change.
What allowed me to take that first step, to choose growth and risk rejection? In the fixed mindset, I had needed my blame and bitterness. It made me feel more righteous, powerful, and whole than thinking I was at fault. The growth mindset allowed me to give up the blame and move on. The growth mindset gave me a mother.
“To me the whole point of marriage is to encourage your partner’s development and have them encourage yours.”
For one thing, the shy growth-minded people looked on social situations as challenges. Even though they felt anxious, they actively welcomed the chance to meet someone new. The shy fixed people, instead, wanted to avoid meeting someone who might be more socially skilled than they were.
Bullies judge. Victims take it in. Sometimes it remains inside and can lead to depression and suicide. Sometimes it explodes into violence.
Problems can be a vehicle for developing greater understanding and intimacy. Allow your partner to air his or her differences, listen carefully, and discuss them in a patient and caring manner. You may be surprised at the closeness this creates.
Praising children’s intelligence harms their motivation and it harms their performance.
If success means they’re smart, then failure means they’re dumb. That’s the fixed mindset.
I remember often being praised for my intelligence rather than my efforts, and slowly but surely I developed an aversion to difficult challenges. Most surprisingly, this extended beyond academic and even athletic challenges to emotional challenges. This was my greatest learning disability—this tendency to see performance as a reflection of character and, if I could not accomplish something right away, to avoid that task or treat it with contempt.
“Praise should deal, not with the child’s personality attributes, but with his efforts and achievements.”
Speed and perfection are the enemy of difficult learning: “If you think I’m smart when I’m fast and perfect, I’d better not take on anything challenging.”
Here’s what he actually said: “Elizabeth, I know how you feel. It’s so disappointing to have your hopes up and to perform your best but not to win. But you know, you haven’t really earned it yet. There were many girls there who’ve been in gymnastics longer than you and who’ve worked a lot harder than you. If this is something you really want, then it’s something you’ll really have to work for.”
“Son, remember I told you how tedious things help us learn to concentrate? This one is a real challenge. This will really take all your concentration skills. Let’s see if you can concentrate through this whole assignment!”
PHILIP: Gee, I’m so clumsy. FATHER: That’s not what we say when nails spill. PHILIP: What do you say? FATHER: You say, the nails spilled—I’ll pick them up! PHILIP: Just like that? FATHER: Just like that. PHILIP: Thanks, Dad.
All kids misbehave. Research shows that normal young children misbehave every three minutes. Does it become an occasion for judgment of their character or an occasion for teaching?
Don’t judge. Teach. It’s a learning process.
Do you quit a lot? Do you think for a minute and then stop? If you do, you should think for a long time—two minutes maybe and if you can’t get it you should read the problem again. If you can’t get it then, you should raise your hand and ask the teacher.
Abusive parents often don’t understand that children’s crying is a signal of their needs, or that babies can’t stop crying on command. Instead, they judge the child as disobedient, willful, or bad for crying.
Next time you’re in a position to discipline, ask yourself, What is the message I’m sending here: I will judge and punish you? Or I will help you think and learn?
It’s a real tragedy to take a brilliant and wonderful kid like Sandy and crush her with the weight of these labels.
We don’t care about who you are, what you’re interested in, and what you can become. We don’t care about learning. We will love and respect you only if you go to Harvard.
“Genius, physically fit and good at sports. . . . They got there based on natural ability.” Did they think they measured up to their ideal? Mostly not. Instead, they said these ideals disrupted their thinking, made them procrastinate, made them give up, and made them stressed-out. They were demoralized by the ideal they could never hope to be.
The great teachers believe in the growth of the intellect and talent, and they are fascinated with the process of learning.
“I have always been fascinated with learning, with the process of discovering something new, and it was exciting to share in the discoveries made by my . . . students.”
If you don’t give anything, don’t expect anything. Success is not coming to you, you must come to it.”
All of his fifth graders master a reading list that includes Of Mice and Men, Native Son, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, The Joy Luck Club, The Diary of Anne Frank, To Kill a Mockingbird, and A Separate Peace.
Most students are intimidated by the idea of talent, and it keeps them in a fixed mindset.
When students don’t know how to do something and others do, the gap seems unbridgeable.
“You have to apply yourself each day to becoming a little better. By applying yourself to the task of becoming a little better each and every day over a period of time, you will become a lot better.”
“Did I win? Did I lose? Those are the wrong questions. The correct question is: Did I make my best effort?”
“You may be outscored but you will never lose.”
“Success lulls you. It makes the most ambitious of us complacent and sloppy.”
“You never stay the same,” he says. “You either go one way or the other.”
You don’t get a growth mindset by proclamation. You move toward it by taking a journey.
Sometimes we’re in one mindset and sometimes we’re in the other. Our task then becomes to understand what triggers our fixed mindset. What are the events or situations that take us to a place where we feel our (or other people’s) abilities are fixed? What are the events or situations that take us to a place of judgment rather than to a place of development? What happens when our fixed-mindset “persona” shows up—the character within who warns us to avoid challenges and beats us up when we fail at something? How does that persona make us feel? What does it make us think and how does it make us
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“Show me what you’ve done, let’s try to understand how you’re thinking, and then let’s figure out what you should try next.”
Great contributions to society are born of curiosity and deep understanding. If students no longer recognize and value deep learning, where will the great contributions of the future come from?
Some people put more extreme interpretations on things that happen—and then react with exaggerated feelings of anxiety, depression, or anger. Or superiority.
