The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide

by Heidi Priebe

Above all else, introverted feeling seeks truth and authenticity.

Fi is the reason why you’ve probably felt misunderstood for the majority of your life.

When it comes to big-picture decisions, the INFP feels almost physically unable to engage in any career, relationship or activity that they do not feel passionately connected to. If their heart

is not in whatever they are doing, they are unable to simply ‘grin and bear it.’

You will be hard-pressed to find an INFP out there who has never tested as an INFJ on an online test. This is perhaps the single most common mistype that exists within the personality type system.

Whereas the INFP takes more of an “If you can dream it, you can achieve it” approach to the future–which often turns out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy–the INFJ is more cautious and skeptical about the future. And while the INFP must first feel personally connected to and in tune with whichever decision he or she makes, the INFJ is more interested in determining the most realistically viable course of action and checking in with his or her feelings on it after the fact.

Type 9 INFPs: The Peacemakers

The identity of the type 9 INFP is defined by their need for deep personal and spiritual connections. They are motivated by an inherent fear of losing touch with both themselves and those around them–striving endlessly to remain authentically in tune to the people and things that they love. These INFPs tend to be spiritual in nature and often report feeling connected to a higher power which could be anything from a traditional religious entity to an earthly flow of energy that connects people to one another or to nature. The type 9 INFP feels an intense personal connection to the people, belief systems and environments that they involve themselves in. They see these things as an extension of their very selves and harbor a deep-seated fear of the ways in which their sense of self may fragment and dissolve if they were to lose touch with any of them. This type of INFP pours a particular amount of care and investment into their relationships with others as well as their relationship with themselves. They may be more likely than other INFPs to forgo their own desires in favor of the needs of the group and will likely have questioned at some point or another whether they use extroverted feeling, rather than introverted feeling. Because they see their relationships with others as an extension of themselves, the type 9 INFPs often perceives their own needs and desires as almost inseparable from those of the people and groups they feel closest to. They are happy so long as they ar...

The type 9 INFP’s deepest fear is of loss and separation. They need to feel as though they are a part of something bigger than themselves, and they will strive to make themselves indispensable to any group they are a part of. The 9 type accounts for ...

Type 6 INFPs: The Loyalists

At their best, type 6 INFPs are stable, cooperative, trustworthy and rich in interpersonal relationships. At their worst, they are anxious, codependent, self-defeating and preoccupied with feelings of inferiority.

At their best, type 2 INFPs are generous, selfless, compassionate and nurturing. At their worst, they are blameful, self-pitying, hypocritical and prone to guilt tripping others.

The INFP is likely to deal with all of these conflicting pressures by withdrawing from others, despite the fact that what they’re ultimately craving is connection and belonging.

I advise you to stop sharing your dreams with people who try to hold you back, even if they’re your parents. Because, if you’re the kind of person who senses there’s something out there for you beyond whatever it is you’re expected to do–if you want to be EXTRA-ordinary–you will not get there by hanging around a bunch of people who tell you you’re not extraordinary. Instead, you will probably become as ordinary as they expect you to be.

Feeling highly indecisive about which educational or career path to follow.

“Don’t be ashamed of how emotional you are. The emotional depth you have is a strength, even though it can sometimes make you vulnerable.”

“Don’t ever let somebody discourage you from following your dreams. If you dream big and work hard, they will materialize into something extraordinary.”

“I would tell my younger INFP self to not take everything so personally and to go easier on myself. I was a very self-critical little kid and adolescent and would blame myself if anything about my grades, behavior or looks didn’t add up to what I idealized in my head. I was very anxious throughout middle and high school and struggled with self-image and perfectionism. It stemmed from these self-idealized notions of how I was supposed to be not matching up with who I really was, a dreamer. Trying to be like everyone else, I pushed down my creativity and spontaneity that I had when I was very young. It was not until college that I started to allow myself to just settle into who I was again.”

“It’s okay not to have all of your ducks in a row. Discovering your wisdom, strength, talents and interests may take years. Which is 100% okay.”

“Don’t shut everyone out of your life. It’s okay to be cautious with sharing your heart, but if you want to make any lasting relationships, you have to be vulnerable sometimes. Realize nobody expects you to be perfect, and in the end, what people think doesn’t decide whether you live a successful life.”

“You truly are different. How you think, act and are is a rarity amongst your peers. Don’t hide or dull that by fitting in. Accept it, develop it and own it.”

“The most important piece of advice I could offer an INFP is that not everyone else feels with the same intensity as we do. This is not to say that everyone is cold and emotionless compared to INFPs, more so that the over-emotional reaction that I would have to a situation isn’t a universal response. I used to walk through life on eggshells because I was terrified that I would hurt people’s feelings the same way little words and actions had the power to shatter my day. I think INFPs are so often perceived as pushovers and meek because to hurt someone’s feelings is the worst insult imaginable, so staying quiet and keeping the peace is a much easier option. It took delving into the MBTI and gently testing the boundaries to work out that I could stand up for myself, voice my opinion and say no when I needed to, and other people wouldn’t be personally offended. Your opinion (even if it’s the one other don’t want) isn’t going to create that emotional tsunami you’ve been dreading.”

Being sensitive is not a weakness, it is a strength.”

“You have a lot to give. There will be people who don’t know how to handle it, people who don’t want it and people who don’t understand it. This is not your fault and giving love is one of your biggest strengths. So don’t get discouraged.”

“Don’t be afraid to open up to the ones you trust. They’re your friends, they’ve proved themselves to you. Tell them you love them, don’t lie when you’re not okay, don’t hold back because you’re afraid how they’ll react. Let go and open yourself up without guilt.”

“Don’t let your dislike for confrontation stop you from speaking your mind every once-in-a-while—your feelings are important and need to be expressed.”

“Do what it best for you! It’s as simple as that! Don’t wait for any miracles or signs, they may not come. So stop procrastinating and waiting to ‘feel’ like doing something.”

“You will feel like you need to hold back every thought and emotion and action that you want to share, but you shouldn’t, because they matter.”

“Learn to listen to your own inner voice because that way, the opinions of others won’t be so important. Self-validation is a far better fuel source than external validation. And loving yourself will mean you can love and support others better anyway.”

“Learn boundaries early. Once you control what you let into your life, you will be able to enjoy people more. Don’t compare yourself to others. You can be different.”

Upon maturing and developing his or her inferior extroverted thinking, the INFP can make for an excellent entrepreneur. This type certainly possesses the vision, the passion and the commitment to make their own wildest dreams come true–but first they have to reach the point where they are able to harness extroverted thinking and handle the more mundane aspects of managing a business.

INFPs see the potential in everyone they meet–which makes them natural motivators and mentors.

INFPs are highly sensitive to criticism and may struggle with receiving negative feedback in the workplace.

INFPs often dislike traditional hierarchies and may struggle to ‘lay down the law’ when they find themselves in positions of authority. In management positions, INFPs are likely to dislike delivering negative feedback to others and may gloss over problems in favor of keeping the peace.

INFPs may wish to be self-employed but not want to deal with the administrative drudg...

4. Re-frame criticism in order to accept it more readily. When receiving constructive criticism from colleagues or bosses, keep in mind that they are providing you with feedback because they value your work and see opportunities for growth in you. Rather than looking at it as an attack, recognize that criticism is often a thinking type’s way of expressing the potential they see in you–just like you see the potential in everyone else.

“I am a pastor and barista. I enjoy people and seeing their potential and encouraging them through life.”

“I work at a not for profit. Any work I do has to be something that will directly help others. I enjoy being around people who have come through adversity or are doing their best to do so. I find it inspiring for my own journey.”

“I am currently as stay-at-home mom of 3 under the age of 4. I love that my often child like view of the world lets me connect deeply with my children and see things through their eyes. We have a lot of fun exploring the world and nature together.”

“I’m a librarian and I couldn’t imagine a job more suited to an INFP. It’s a mix of customer service, book reviewer researcher, community support and historian all wrapped up into one job. Plus, who wouldn’t want to spend all day surrounded by books.”

(ENFPs, INFJs, ENFJs and other INFPs)

(INTJs, ENTJs, INTPs and ENTPs)

(ESFPs, ISFPs, ESTPs and ISTPs)

(ISFJs, ESFJs, ISTJs and ESTJs)

INTJ Cognitive Functions: Ni – Te – Fi – Se INTJs are the stoic, intellectual masterminds of the MBTI. INFPs generally find themselves drawn to this type due to their decisiveness, their complexity and their deeply analytical nature. INTJs find themselves drawn to the INFP because of their depth, their open mindedness and their natural emotional intelligence. These types complement one another swimmingly, and are often considered to be a fitting match either romantically or platonically.

These types share only two functions (Fi and Te) but they are often fascinated by one another’s differing perceptions. Both analytical thinkers, these types can spend hours wrapped up in intimate conversations about the world that surrounds them. The INTJ uses Ni and Te to attempt to fit their perceptions into a comprehensive logical framework, whereas the INFP uses Fi and Ne to explore and expand on subjective observations they’ve made about the world around them. In many ways, the INFP and the INTJ complement one another’s methods of reasoning and they tend to genuinely enjoy exploring each other’s worldviews. The INTJ appreciates the emotional insight that the INFP brings to his or her awareness and the INFP appreciates the structured logic that the INTJ adds to his or her perceptions. On a day-to-day basis, the INTJ is focused, pragmatic and detail-oriented, whereas the INFP is passionate, reflective and open-ended. The INTJ appreciates and benefits from the INFP’s calm and compassionate nature, whereas the INFP appreciates and benefits from the INTJ’s grounded presence and sense of responsibility. Both types enjoy taking time to reflect and recharge independently, and then coming together to share their ideas and thoughts.

Overall, the INTJ presents the INFP with the structure they’re seeking in their day-to-day lives, whereas the INFP serves as the INTJ’s soft (yet intelligent) spot to fall. Though this type combination is ideal in many ways, it is definitely not without its challenges. Potential Challenges: As a feeling-dominant type, the INFP may require more validation and affection than the INTJ feels comfortable giving out. As an auxiliary extroverted thinker, the INTJ may grow frustrated by the lack of structure that the INFP applies to his or her life. The INFP may grow frustrated by the emotional standoffishness of the INTJ, taking it as a personal insult when the INTJ does not want to share his or her feelings. The INTJ may grow frustrated by the INFP’s disregard for both timeliness and order in their external environm...

emotionally, whereas the INFP may assume the INTJ is trying to control their plans and actions. In reality, both types are often simply trying to help each other in a way that makes sense to them. How to make it work: INTJs respond well to honest, direct communication. If a problem arises, do not be passive aggressive. Rather, explain the problem as calmly and rationally as possible to the INTJ–they genuinely do want to resolve issues that arise and will probably be keen to listen. Make pointed, time-specific plans with the INTJ and try not to cancel or be late to them. To the INTJ, time is a measure of respect. Recognize that the INTJ’s desire to plan and organize your life is their way of trying to help you sort through problems. If you want them to listen rather than problem-solve, tell them this point blank. Give the INTJ time and patience to sort through their fe...

“I don’t know why, but I have lots of INFPs in my life; they just seem to be drawn to me wherever I go. The most important of all is my best friend, since our INTJ+INFP combination works perfectly well. I truly appreciated his strong moral senses, emotional intelligence and loyalty. INFPs are one of my favorite personality types.” —INTJ

“INFPs appear wise to me. Emotionally grounded. They have the imagination to connect with me, they always take an early liking to me. They are marvelous listeners, and at many times, give great emotional support. I run to INFP friends when I feel down and out. They bring out the softest sides of me, with ease.” —INTJ