Whispers and the Roars

by K. Webster

To my handsome voice of reason, Your whispers keep me sane. Your roars keep me safe. I love you.

“You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, something not everyone knows how to love.” Warsan Shire

I was a fungus. Growing and festering. Turning his brilliant parts black with the disease otherwise known as me. When you’re a woman who suffers from depression and PTSD, among other disorders, you learn that you’re the problem. That you’re the source of nightmares. That you’re a black plague who only sickens the well around you.

I need quiet. I need order. A reprieve from the roars.

I can survive when it’s only the whispers.

The music is an extension of my pain and sadness. A direct view into the mind of a woman who has spent an entire lifetime attempting to forget injustices served against her.

I’m able to silence those roars. Turn them into whispers.

You can’t snuff out the blazing flames of love. Soulmates don’t simply drift apart.

And I willingly give my biggest vein to him to inject his life into me.

“You’re never alone. True. But sometimes the loneliest people are surrounded by noise.

“you were sad. Something was missing and I wanted to fill it. I wanted to fill your heart with me.”

I want her to obliterate me.

“You’ll never have anything to be sorry for. When you run from me, I get lost and confused. But when you let me catch you, you make me happy again. Stop running, Kadydid. Stay with me. Always.”

Depression is a part of my life. Some days, it just swallows me whole. I lie in bed for hours and hours just like Momma used to do. Hiding from the outside world. Hiding from my reflection. Replaying the negative parts of my life over and over again on some torturous loop. It’s not something I simply get over. It consumes me.

Simply put, Kady doesn’t trust men easily. Fathers to be exact.

When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I don’t care about anyone else? I don’t care about what they think or what they say. All I care about is you. Learn it. Memorize it. Don’t fucking forget it,

Love and my moral compass duel in the dark night. Love is more fierce and unstoppable and fucking crazy. Love always wins. That moral compass never stood a chance.

Sometimes love is fucking ridiculous.

His whispers are drowned out by the goddamned roars.

“Right behind you, Kady. Always right behind you. I have your back.”

Kady has had a rough life. She deserves a happy one. This boy here is the only person I know who makes her smile and forget her past.”

“You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, something not everyone knows how to love.”

I can help her have the best life she’ll ever hope to have. I’ll do anything for her, Dad. I’ve done everything for her.”

I chuckle and nod. “How’d I get so lucky to have you?” He smirks. “I pretty much forced my way into your life when we were kids, remember? You were too young to realize you’d befriended a stalker.”

I’m exhausted. Yet, I’m still here. I’ll always be here. Love doesn’t make any goddamned sense.

Our love is difficult but it’s ours and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

His voice is like warm sunshine on my bare legs while sitting in the grass on a summer day. It soaks me through to the bone. Saturates my soul. Heats me to my core. Fills me up with happiness.

Dark eyes penetrate mine. Hunger and need and love so fierce pour from him. I want to drown in him. Death by Yeo. What a way to go…

It roars and roars and when we’re both long gone from this world, it will ripple with whispers until the end of time.

“I love you at your best and I love you at your worst. I love every single part of you. I always have and always will. I even love the parts I hate about you. How fucking weird is that? And I’ll continue to love you in every capacity, no matter how strange that makes me. I’ll fill in the missing voids of your heart with parts of mine,” he whispers while his cock still twitches inside me. “Together, we’ll be whole. I love you, Kadence Marshall. Please marry me.” I love his whispers.

Life sometimes calls for exceptions. Love sometimes demands them.