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The boy blossomed into a man who wants to fight me for me. The past that rules me is dark and chaotic and violent. It always wins.
“You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, something not everyone knows how to love.” Warsan Shire
That you’re a black plague who only sickens the well around you.
I need quiet. I need order. A reprieve from the roars.
The music is an extension of my pain and sadness. A direct view into the mind of a woman who has spent an entire lifetime attempting to forget injustices served against her.
But when I’m playing the piano, albeit for a brief moment, I’m able to forget. I’m able to silence those roars. Turn them into whispers. Let the music flood my soul and drown the horrors of my past.
Depression is a part of my life. Some days, it just swallows me whole. I lie in bed for hours and hours just like Momma used to do. Hiding from the outside world. Hiding from my reflection. Replaying the negative parts of my life over and over again on some torturous loop. It’s not something I simply get over. It consumes me.
Love and my moral compass duel in the dark night. Love is more fierce and unstoppable and fucking crazy. Love always wins. That moral compass never stood a chance.
“You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, something not everyone knows how to love.”
“I love you at your best and I love you at your worst. I love every single part of you. I always have and always will. I even love the parts I hate about you. How fucking weird is that? And I’ll continue to love you in every capacity, no matter how strange that makes me. I’ll fill in the missing voids of your heart with parts of mine,” he whispers while his cock still twitches inside me. “Together, we’ll be whole. I love you, Kadence Marshall. Please marry me.” I love his whispers.
