The Book of Joy

by Dalai Lama XIV

Lasting happiness cannot be found in pursuit of any goal or achievement. It does not reside in fortune or fame.

The dialogues were about what the Dalai Lama has called the very “purpose of life”—the goal of avoiding suffering and discovering happiness.

we may cry more easily, but we will laugh more easily, too. Perhaps we are just more alive.

We have hardship without becoming hard. We have heartbreak without being broken.”

“The ultimate source of happiness is within us. Not money, not power, not status.

To tease someone is a sign of intimacy and friendship, to know that there is a reservoir of affection from which we all drink as funny and flawed humans.

For both of them, it was rare to have a true friend. There are, after all, not many members of the moral leaders club.

was going to hear another story of superhuman devotion and learn that he slept only two or three hours a night. I was relieved to hear that he simply went to bed very early, typically by 7:00 p.m.

Most people never pay much attention to the ultimate source of a happy life, which is inside, not outside. Even the

there are really only four fundamental emotions, three of which are so-called negative emotions: fear, anger, and sadness.

The only positive one is joy or happiness.

Dalai Lama was describing is that as we recognize others’ suffering and realize that we are not alone, our pain is lessened.

‘Wherever you have friends that’s your country, and wherever you receive love, that’s your home.’”

the three factors that seem to have the greatest influence on increasing our happiness are our ability to reframe our situation more positively, our ability to experience gratitude, and our choice to be kind and generous.

But if there is no joy or happiness at the mental level, too much worrying, too much fear, then even physical comforts and pleasure will not soothe your mental discomfort.”

The fourth and final circuit is “our ability to be generous.” That was amazing to me: that we had an entire brain circuit, one of four, devoted to generosity. It is no wonder that our brains feel so good when we help others or are helped by others, or even witness others being helped, which Ekman had described as the elevation that is one dimension of joy.

one of the world’s leading experts on the science of the unconscious, describes it as one of three innate (and often unconscious) goals: to survive, to reproduce, and to cooperate.

We depend on the other in order for us to be fully who we are.

Whether the pain is physical or mental, it seems to consume all of our focus and leave very little attention for others.

the way we heal our own pain is actually by turning to the pain of others.

“I think if you are an intensely religious believer, as soon as you wake up, you thank God for another day.

‘There is nothing wrong with faiths. The problem is the faithful.’”

Mpho asked if I still had the picture of my own twin daughters just after they were born prematurely, when they were in the neonatal intensive care unit. One of our daughters had had a prolapsed cord, which was blocking her from descending through the birth canal, and her heartbeat and oxygen level were plummeting. The obstetrician, as she was trying to use a vacuum extractor on our daughter’s head, had told Rachel that she had one more push to get the baby out or they would have to do an emergency cesarean. Eliana was already in the birth canal, so a cesarean was no guarantee of a safe delivery. As a doctor, Rachel knew, as I did, that every second counted, as Eliana’s oxygen level was getting dangerously low. I’ve never witnessed anything like the strength Rachel had exhibited as she threw herself headlong into the pain and wrenched every ounce of maternal will from her body to push our daughter out. Eliana was born blue, unresponsive, and not breathing. Her Apgar score was one—out of ten—which meant she was barely alive. She was rushed to the crash cart, where the doctors tried to revive her, and told Rachel to speak to her baby, the voice of the mother having an almost magical healing effect, even in the high-risk operating room. We waited for the longest moments of our lives as the doctors tried to bring her around, preparing to intubate her. And then, in a moment of unspeakable joy and relief, Eliana sputtered, took her first breath, and began to cry with life. The r...

When we turn a threat into a challenge, our body responds very differently.

This involves turning what is called “threat stress,” or the perception that a stressful event is a threat that will harm us, into what is called “challenge stress,” or the perception that a stressful event is a challenge that will help us grow.

but then instead of taking the low road of anger, he took the high road of humor, acceptance, and even compassion.

We want something that we did not get, like respect or kindness, or we get something that we did not want, like disrespect or criticism.

Underlying this anger, the Dalai Lama was saying, is a fear that we will not get what we need, that we are not loved, that we are not respected, that we will not be included.

I’m a crybaby. I cry easily. . .. I suppose I love easily, too.

While fear lasted on average thirty minutes, sadness often lasted up to a hundred and twenty hours, or almost five days.

sadness may have some benefit in our lives, which may be why people are drawn to music, art, and literature that makes them feel sad.

“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”

Resignation and cynicism are easier, more self-soothing postures that do not require the raw vulnerability and tragic risk of hope.

“THROUGHOUT SOCIETY TODAY people feel great loneliness,” the Dalai Lama said

of the medical scientists said in his presentation that those people who disproportionately use the first-person pronouns—I, I, I, me, me, me, and mine, mine, mine—have a significantly greater risk of having a heart attack.

I don’t think we help people by making them feel guilty.

“Envy toward the above, competitiveness toward the equal, and contempt toward the lower.”