The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World

by Dalai Lama XIV

The Dalai Lama was saying that when one is thinking about others with kindness and compassion, one is never lonely. Openheartedness—warmheartedness—is the antidote to loneliness. It has often amazed me that one day I can walk down the street feeling judgmental and critical of others, and I will feel separate and lonely, and the next day I can walk down the same street with more openhearted acceptance and compassion and suddenly everyone seems warm and friendly. It is almost as if my inner state of mind and heart changes the physical and social world around me completely.

The path to joy, like with sadness, did not lead away from suffering and adversity but through it.

It almost seems perverse, but one wants to say thank goodness that the Chinese invaded Tibet. Yes, because I don’t think that we would have had the same contact; we certainly would not have had the same friendship.” And then, seeing the ironic humor in history, the Archbishop started to cackle. “You probably would not have got a Nobel Peace Prize.” The Dalai Lama was now also laughing as they poked fun at these esteemed prizes, as if to say that we can never know what, in the end, will come of our suffering and adversity, what is good and what is bad.

If there is a way to overcome the situation, then instead of feeling too much sadness, too much fear, or too much anger, make an effort to change the situation. If there’s nothing you can do to overcome the situation, then there is no need for fear or sadness or anger.

“Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy if it cannot be remedied?”

When they were asked to empathize with their offenders and to imagine forgiving them, their stress responses returned to normal.

“When you say, ‘I, I, I, I, I,’ as His Holiness pointed out, you are going to come a cropper. But when you say, ‘How can I help?’ even in the midst of your deep anguish, it’s got an alchemy that transforms your pain. It may not take it away. But it becomes in a way bearable, more than it was at the time when you were just saying ‘poor me,’ thinking only about yourself.

In short, bringing joy to others is the fastest way to experience joy oneself. As the Dalai Lama had said, even ten minutes of meditation on the well-being of others can help one to feel joyful for the whole day—even before coffee.

Remind yourself: “In order to make the most positive contribution to this situation, I must accept the reality of its existence.”