Barbarian's Taming (Ice Planet Barbarians, #8)

by Ruby Dixon

I’m sitting here, twiddling my thumbs with my ‘vacancy’ sign over my vagina.

😭

Lila’s not attending the party any longer; she ran off to her cave with her alien guy to go make babies with him. Literally. She’s literally going to make babies with him. It’s something I’m still struggling to wrap my brain around. It seems that if my chest-cootie wakes up and starts purring, it picks a man I should make babies with.

I love how she’s rightfully alarmed by that

I’m not invited, am I? Lila looks pained. It’s not that. We’re going to be traveling fast and it’s going to be a hard push. And when we come back, we’re going to be carrying a lot of weight in our packs. I see. And they don’t want the fat chick slowing them down. The only thing that stops me from lashing out in a bitch-fit is the obvious pain on my sister’s face. She’s clearly torn between sticking up for me and being one of the cool kids.

wow, FUCK your sister bro…

This isn’t the life I signed up for. No one wants me here. I’m not useful. I’m not even pleasant to be around.

😭

The interior of our small cave is dark and depressing. I don’t have much shit since I’m new, so my side of the room is nothing but a heap of furs that makes up my bed. Asha’s got a few baskets lined up along the wall, but I’ve never seen her crack them open. Actually, I’ve never seen her do a hell of a lot. As a roommate, she sucks.

Everything you’re saying sounds like a real bummer

Either I get to sit out in the open and have people ‘nice’ me to death, or I can come and sit in a dark room with Wednesday Addams here.

Damn 💀

“I want to be left alone.” “I want to be home and eating a Happy Meal, but we don’t always get what we want.”

🤣

“Do you not have somewhere else to go?” Asha snaps at me. “God, I wish.” I shake my head and polish off the last of my cake before picking hers up. “This is where we come to be depressed, right? So I thought I’d join you in your wallowing.”

You’re funny as hell man

I roll onto my side and ignore her, trying out the whole ‘wallowing’ thing. I have to admit, it’s pretty damn boring.

“So you’re basically telling me I need a hobby and that you already have the market cornered on ‘moping’ and I need to find something else.”

🤣🤣🤣

“I have never mated with a female.” “Then a male?” I frown. “With no one.”

Why is everyone here so painfully straight? Omg imagine if the aliens had abducted a lesbian??? Damn that girl would be in HELL

“What? Why’d we stop? Is someone coming? Because I know it isn’t me, if you know what I’m saying.” I do not know what she is saying, actually.

🤣

Hassen avoids me for the rest of the day. Which, okay, isn’t exactly hard given that I’m hanging around the cave and he’s out in the wild, being an exile and doing exile stuff.

PLEASE

He is not a good man! I don’t want him taking advantage of you! Oh, that is so cute. Considering that I took advantage of Hassen the moment he decided to hang out with me,

No fr though. Grabbed his dick unprompted and all

You haven’t been around her for days because you weren’t invited, a seditious little voice in my head says. At least Hassen wants to spend time with you.

I don’t get why you won’t just tell her she hurt your feelings…

When he starts racing toward me at a breakneck speed, I figure it’s Hassen. And stupid me starts weeping again.

Girl, structure up

Okay, if he’s not in a talky mood, I’ll just sit here and shiver. I clutch the blankets closer and feel pretty sorry for myself

“Let’s have sex.”

Bitch 😐

“What?” He stares at me, incredulous.

Obviously, you’re kinda being insane 😭

Today, I go to my chief and demand he end my exile.

It’s been like a week though… maybe, relax?

“I am the best hunter of the unmated males,” I continue. “The most worthy of a mate.”

Hassen you’re super annoying omg

“I wish to take the female Mah-dee as my pleasure-mate and take a private cave for ourselves.” Vektal’s expression grows hard. “Leave the humans alone.”

No seriously. Bro you’re being insane 😀😭

“You stole her sister and tried to force resonance.” Vektal’s nostrils flare. “Because you did not wish to wait for it to happen. You endangered her life. And now you wish to mate with the other sister? Are you mad? Has being in exile made your brains turn to meltwater?”

This is a very understandable reaction I have to say

“So you will not steal her?” “Maybe I should,” I snap.

What is WRONG with you?!?!?! 💀

Mah-dee is slipping from my grip and I am helpless to do anything about it, all because I was an impatient fool who stole away a crying female I did not even like.

You’re… insane 😀

“Can you watch Hassen for me? Let me know if he wakes up?” I ask him. He’s silent, and I realize he’s got blood in his ears, too. I tap his arm and sign my question, and he nods.

Not the whole tribe goes deaf. Thank God most of them learned “hand speak”

I wrap Pacy in the fur

Stacy + Pashov = Pacy? …. Yeah that’s not the best of the combo names ….

I’m claiming him. He’s mine now.

how can I bitch at a time like this? He’s comforting a friend. Okay, mentally I’ll bitch, but I won’t say a thing aloud.

Real

“We need a place to live and for the females and kits to be safe,” Vektal says, rubbing his chin. “But I worry the South Cave will be just as bad as this one.”

I’ve been thinking this for a while but can yall not just go to the jungle cave place?

“You truly wish to do this? You wish to go with him?” “What, you think anyone could make me go somewhere I don’t want to go?” This time, Rokan snorts.

No cause actually. Maddie makes Liz seems tame 🤣

this is going to be one motherfucker of a journey. I’d bitch about it, but I can’t say that our journey is going to be any rougher than anyone else’s.

I mean yall are going the farthest…

I would like for Hassen to hold my hand, but we’re both carrying spears and still close enough that the tribe would see…but it doesn’t mean I don’t wish for it, just a little.

🥺❤️

Until he reaches out and tells me what is bothering him, though, I’m going to let him have his silence. Sometimes you need to be in your own head to process things, and nagging him won’t help.

I take him deep again, sucking hard, and this time I don’t gag. This time, I start to hum ‘The Star-Spangled Banner.’ It’s a trick I learned from a friend when I first started bartending, and she told me all about how wild it made her boyfriend.

Oh you a certified freak… got it. Much respect girl 🤝🏾

This is metlak territory. We should at least see traces of them.

Don’t they live in underground caves though?

Mah-dee pauses at the base of the hill, pretending to adjust the straps of her pack. I have learned these little tricks; she does not want to tell me that she is tired, so she checks her things.

Well that’s kind of embarrassing for her 😭. Cause not you clocking her game. At least you’re not blowing up her spot about it though

“Are they still coming?” I ask Mah-dee as I plunge forward. “Oh yeah,” she says, her voice wobbling. “Also, I might be sick if we don’t slow down. Your shoulder’s hitting my stomach⁠—” “Then be sick,” I tell her, and speed up.

Damn 💀. Oh so it’s like real life or death shit huh

No female is as perfect for me as her. I think of Li-lah and her weeping, and curl my lip with disgust.

This is like the 10th time you’ve randomly cussed Lila out in your mind 💀. Let the poor girl live, damn

“Okay, this is going to sound weird…” Her hand presses to the center of my chest. “But you’re rumbling. Baby, do you have indigestion?”

😭

“Your weight is nothing to be ashamed of.” “Isn’t it?”

Girlie🥲

“I love your sturdy human body,” I tell her, leaning down to kiss her pink mouth. “I love your soft thighs that wobble when I sink into you.

Hello 😀😭

I guess strangers are a big concept to a guy that grew up knowing all the people on the planet.

That’s crazy to imagine

“Mush, big guy! Mush! You’re slowing down and we’re near the finish line!” I call out from my seat atop the first sled of supplies. Hassen looks back at me, eyes narrowed. “You have been shouting that all morning.”

🤣🤣🤣

Time to bring out the big guns. “So Hassen found something interesting while we were out,”

Please don’t blackmail the tribe into ending his exile. That’s insane

“The ship—” I question, but Mah-dee claps a hand over my mouth. “I got this,” she tells me, and then I feel her tongue flick against my earlobe before she surges to her feet and beams a winning smile at my chief.

Maddie is really that girl lmao

Rukh is nearly feral after Har-loh got hurt when the Elders’ Cave turned on its side.

Oh I can imagine… That man scares me 💀

“And when you come home, I’ll suck your dick so hard you won’t be able to walk straight for weeks.”

Girl 😭😀