Forever is the Worst Long Time

by Camille Pagán

I, too, often felt like I was playing a part, at least when it came to being a grown-up. Humdrum acts, like negotiating the rate on my credit card or buying and applying shower caulk, seemed novel—almost as though I was trying them out once, when in fact they were things I would do again and again over the course of my life.

You’ll notice a theme: I was the infant in these scenarios. I was not at all prepared to have a child.

Kafka said a book must be the axe for the frozen sea within us. Start chopping. —P

It is so easy to go through your days stewing about someone stealing your parking spot without giving the same attention to your child’s arms around your neck, to grumble about the ever-increasing cost of groceries without realizing just how good it is to have warm toast and a fresh cup of coffee while sitting across from the one you love.

It’s been said that every good parent wants only for his child to be happy. I want happiness for you, but so much more. I want you to not know the pain that awaits you. I want you to roar back at the things that scare you. I want for you a life that is not just happy, but meaningful.

But above all, I want you to embrace the love you find yourself drawn to, whatever that may be. I hope this book will show you that if you can find it in you to push past the fear of loving another person—if you can learn to live with the inevitable loss that comes with doing so—you will know a good and meaningful life.