Bridget Jones’s Diary

by Helen Fielding

It struck me as pretty ridiculous to be called Mr Darcy and to stand on your own looking snooty at a party. It’s like being called Heathcliff and insisting on spending the entire evening in the garden, shouting ‘Cathy’ and banging your head against a tree.

Badly need water but seems better to keep eyes closed and head stationary on pillow so as not to disturb bits of machinery and pheasants in head.

‘I know we’re all psychotic, single and completely dysfunctional and it’s all done over the phone,’ Tom slurred sentimentally, ‘but it’s a bit like a family, isn’t it?’