Alan Partridge: Nomad

by Alan Partridge

It is they who spread rumours about us. Not least – and let’s confront this head on because it’s the elephant in the room – inbreeding. I have lived in East Anglia for over half a century and I have never – never – been made aware of, witnessed or been involved in so much as a single act of human inbreeding. When it comes to allowing the gene pool to stagnate, we simply do not have a charge to answer. All right, you might say, it doesn’t happen now, but it used to. And fair enough, it did used to. But what people fail to recognise is that East Anglia is in a remote part of the country. There’s very little passing traffic there. So in centuries gone by, before technological advances such as the motor car or Tinder made it easy for people to make more genetically advisable choices, it was inevitable that on a cold winter’s night, when everyone else in the house was asleep, a randy brother might walk down the corridor and gently knock on his sister’s door.