Alan Partridge: Nomad

by Alan Partridge

As I head towards the district of Braintree, I begin to muse on the word ‘Braintree’. You can imagine it, can’t you? A brain tree. Like an apple tree except instead of apples it bears human brains. I could think of a few broadcasters who could do with one of them in their garden! And yes, that amusing thought sustains me for a short time, helping to keep my ragged mind off the pain of walking. Of course it did, it’s a funny thought. But is it going to make you laugh for any more than, what, twenty or twenty-five minutes? Probably not. And yes, you can muster additional laughs by thinking up variants on the ‘brain tree’ theme: I imagine there are towns called Spleenbush, Lungshrub, Bowelplant, etc., etc., and picture what the corresponding plants would look like. Funny, sure. And great – you’ve bought yourself another twenty minutes of amusement. But beyond that?