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free play teaches children to be less anxious? It teaches them resilience. And resilience has been proven to be one of the most important factors in predicting success as an adult.
true happiness isn’t coming only from a good education. A child who learns to cope with stress, makes friends, and yet is realistic about the world has a set of life skills that are very different from being a math genius, for example.
They believe that children fundamentally need space and trust to allow them to master things by themselves, to make and solve their own problems. This creates genuine self-esteem and self-reliance because it comes from the child’s own internal cheerleader, not from someone else.
a child needs the right amount of space to learn and grow in the zones that are right for him or her, with the right amount of help.
In Denmark, parents try not to intervene unless it’s absolutely necessary. They trust their children to be able to do and try new things and give them space to build their own trust in themselves.
If children feel too pressured, they can lose the joy in what they are doing, and this can lead to fear and anxiety.
Emotional honesty, not perfection, is what children truly need from their parents.
Learning to act on intrinsic goals, such as improving relationships or engaging in hobbies you love, rather than on extrinsic goals, such as buying a new car, is what is proven to create true well-being.
Being too pressured or praised, children may learn to do things for external recognition rather than for internal satisfaction, which becomes a default setting for life.
Focusing on the task, rather than overcomplimenting the child, is a much more Danish approach. This helps to focus on the work involved, but it also teaches humility.
people with a growth mind-set are better at fostering teamwork and resolving challenges without getting stressed, they are much more attractive to most organizations.
It’s the ones who can tackle a task with perseverance and resilience, incorporating colleagues with gratitude, who will ultimately get the sought-after position
Danes are what psychologists call “realistic optimists.”
Being in touch with reality but focusing on the more positive angles is much more in line with being a realistic optimist.
Focusing on the less negative aspects of situations and finding a middle ground reduces anxiety and increases well-being.
So not only does reframing change our brain chemistry, but it helps how we interpret pain, fear, anxiety, and the like. And this reframing is directly related to the language we use—both out loud and in our head.
The language we use is extremely powerful. It is the frame through which we perceive and describe ourselves and our picture of the world. Allan Holmgren, a well-known Danish psychologist, believes that our reality is created in the language we use. All change involves a change in language. A problem is only a problem if it is referred to as a problem.
By separating ourselves from these labels, we open up new paths of change for ourselves and our children.
Separating the person from the problem makes us more able to feel like active agents in our own lives to combat the problem.
If we hold on to the good in people, to separate actions from the person, we teach our children that we forgive them when they themselves misbehave.
Practice noticing when you have a negative thought pattern. Just try to notice it and see how often you are using negativity to view a situation. Try to come up with different ways of looking at things that upset you, such as fears or worries, as an exercise. Try taking a step back in perspective and see if you can find understanding and another way to see things or a way to focus on a more positive aspect.
Separate the actions from the person
Try focusing on the positive side of your children’s behavior so they feel appreciated for their uniqueness rather than labeled negatively.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. HELEN KELLER
we would feel a lot better to have a connected social network in which we could feel supported, not judged.
Another program, which is increasingly popular, is called CAT-kit. This program is used to improve emotional awareness and empathy and focuses on how to articulate experiences, thoughts, feelings, and senses. Tools in the CAT-kit include picture cards of faces, measuring sticks to gauge intensity of emotions, and pictures of the body, on which participants can draw the physical aspects and location of emotions.
The Mary Foundation has had a major impact on empathy training in schools as well.
Mary, the crown princess and soon-to-be queen of Denmark, has created an antibullying program, which has been implemented across the country. Free of Bullying is a program in which three- to eight-year-olds talk about bullying and teasing so they can learn to become more caring toward each other. It has yielded positive results, and more than 98 percent of teachers say they would recommend it to other institutions.
Empathy enhances the quality of meaningful relationships, which we know is one of the most important factors in our sense of well-being.
By pointing out the good in others, it becomes natural to see the good in others. It becomes more natural to trust. It is rare indeed to hear a Danish person talking negatively about another child in front of their children.
When you teach a child that she won’t be forced to do something simply to appease another or just to make things easier, it becomes a powerful lesson in the long run.
There aren’t always good reasons for a child’s emotions, or easy solutions for them, but by at least acknowledging them and trying not to judge them, we are teaching respect.
Studies show that reading to children markedly increases their empathy levels. And not just reading nice books but reading books that encompass all emotions, including negative and uncomfortable ones. Dealing with reality, even at the level kids can handle, is honest and authentic and is proven to significantly improve empathy.
When You Substitute “We” for “I,” Even “Illness” Becomes “Wellness”
Take the Hygge Oath Make a pact with the whole family at the next gathering to think not about “I” but about being in the moment and trying to help make things run without conflict and controversy.
Be in the moment together Everyone should agree to leave their daily stressors at the door. Don’t focus on the bad things in your or someone else’s life.
When the whole family spends time together, play games, inside and out, that everyone can take part in.
Put your personal preferences aside and simply get out there and have fun.
Use fewer toys, TVs, iPhones, and iPads. These should be avoided in gatherings so the kids, too, can be more present together. Play games instead.
make sure family playtime is technology-free
We agree to spend “Sunday dinner” in hygge. We all promise to help one another as a team in creating a cozy atmosphere where everyone feels safe and no one needs to have their guard up. We agree to try to … Turn off the phones and the iPads. Leave our drama at the door.
Not complain unnecessarily. Look for ways to help out so that no one person gets stuck doing all the work. Light candles if we are inside. Make a conscious effort to enjoy the food and the drinks. Not bring up controversial topics like politics. Anything that creates a fight or an argument is not hyggeligt. We can have those discussions at other times. Tell and retell funny, lovely, and uplifting stories about one another from the past. Not brag too much. Bragging can be subtly divisive. Not compete (think “we” not “me”). Not talk badly about others or focus on negativity. Play games that the
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Step by Step (Second Step) is developed by CESEL. http://spf-nyheder.dk/download/om_cesel.pdf. CAT-kit: www.cat-kit.com/?lan=en&area=catbox&page=catbox. The Mary Foundation: http://www.maryfonden.dk/en.
