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She didn’t credit herself, or the tree house. This was all Dave. As much as she wanted to keep him to herself, Julia loved knowing that this was for him. He deserved to be liked this much, this widely.
Gretchen was reading a book as she walked, and part of Julia kind of wished that she would get in her car without noticing and drive off, dragging the string behind her. Then Gretchen looked up and noticed the string and the first sign, which read, Follow me!
But that’s exactly what she wanted: to be acting out this cliché-riddled promposal that would eventually lead to Dave.
And how many chances was she going to get to convince Brett to pretend he was a teddy bear? She didn’t know what she was planning to do with the pictures of him in it, especially now that Brett felt like more of a friend than like Dave’s meathead brother.
It’d been strange to hear all that he already knew about the girl, strange to see how he’d smiled when he related the simplest things, like the fact that she loved climbing trees. Yeah, no shit, anyone with a halfway decent childhood loved climbing trees.
“Wait, Julia. Before you go?” “What?” Brett started to say something, then ran the back of his hand across his forehead, his forearm coming away slick with sweat. He smiled wide, then stared at the ground, a move that felt strangely Dave-like. “You’re really freaking good at this.”
It was a gorgeous day, the breeze just as Julia liked it, the sun just as she liked it, the sky so blue it was as if someone had gathered a week’s worth of skies and jammed them all together. Love was people creating memories for each other, and Julia knew that today would be memorable not just for Dave and Gretchen.
poking Dave in the stomach, wishing it would elicit his usual head-shaking response.
Her knuckles hurt from how hard she was gripping the bucket, and for a second she closed her eyes and wished for this whole thing to fail, for Gretchen to admit that she was not interested in Dave in the least, that she’d been faking it, just like Julia and Dave had faked their way through most of the Nevers.
She could see exactly when Gretchen read the writing on Julia’s car, and she hoped that the happiness in her eyes was real, because that’s what Dave deserved.
“You are insane. A crazy rose serenading me with clichés.” “I had help.” Dave shrugged, glancing at Julia, tearing her heart apart just like that, then wrapping his arms around Gretchen’s waist. “Is that a yes?” “I would have said yes at the first rose.”
This was how she could love Dave. From exactly this distance. Within sight but apart. Cheering him on, providing whatever happiness she could provide for him. As his best friend.
Julia laid her head on her desk, trying to sleep but mostly watching Dave. She hadn’t managed to fall asleep the night before. At first it’d been the adrenaline of executing the plan so well. But even after her eyelids felt swollen with tiredness, her mind was a flurry of thoughts. Nothing too obvious like being heartbroken. More like a bunch of little things, debris caught in a tree after a storm. What her mom was like in high school, whether she would have done something as cliché as love her best friend silently, whether she was finally going to come. Whether anyone would ever know about
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“Neko Case is playing tonight. I know San Francisco isn’t exactly a life-changing trip, but we’re gonna make it feel as epic as possible.” His words didn’t really sink in right away, nor did her eyes focus on the page. It was a printout receipt for concert tickets in San Francisco. For eight o’clock that night. “It’s a thank-you. For the promposal and how awesome you were.” “Dave. These are Neko Case tickets.”
“These are Neko Case tickets for tonight.” “Did you have a stroke or something?” He laughed. “What did you tell Gretchen?” Dave furrowed his brow, a confused smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “About tonight? That I’m taking my best friend on a Nevers road trip. What else would I say? She says you’re a genius for planning yesterday.”
Julia grabbed the license out of his hand, just to get Gretchen’s name out of the conversation. “You look like a murderer.” “Isn’t that the point of picture IDs? That way if you become a murderer they can flash your picture on the news and everyone will be like, ‘Yup, that guy totally kills people.’” “How did you even get your eyes to do that?”
You’ve always wanted to see Neko live.” “Yeah,” Julia said. “I have.”
Julia could feel the warmth of his palm beneath the keys, and it was strange what a specific desire she suddenly felt to have him wrap his fingers around hers.
Dave laughed and grabbed her head again, pushing her gently away from him. She wouldn’t have minded if his hand never left, if it somehow slipped down to her bare shoulder, to her fingers.
Dave borrowed a pair of old sunglasses Julia kept in her car, and he looked cute in them, though Julia bit her tongue to keep from saying so.
Of course, they did stop and take a few pictures on some of the more beautiful curves, because what life-changing trip was complete without photographic evidence to rub in people’s faces?
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Dave look away from the sun, swiveling his head to take in the whole scene. He was the only person she knew who actively reminded himself to look around, to enjoy everything about a given moment. They’d never actually spoken about it, but she’d been watching it happen for years.
This time, Julia could feel a very specific epiphany, bittersweet though it may have been: She and Dave could still be friends. Nothing had changed.
“Yeah,” Dave said, trailing off. She could hear Gretchen on his voice.
Julia unbuckled her seat belt, leaned across the console, put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. His lips were not stiff or unwelcoming. There was no sign of his mind being on Gretchen. Far from it, actually. They fit as wonderfully as they had last night, and for one blissful moment she knew that there were many of these on the way.
His hand was on the side of her face, his eyes set on hers. She smiled at him and was about to move back in when his eyes flitted to something in the rearview mirror. “Shit,” Dave said, like the wind had just been knocked out of him. Julia looked behind and saw Gretchen’s van behind them. The door was half-open, Gretchen’s face already in tears. She was wearing her hair in this side-ponytail thing that should have looked ridiculous but somehow worked.
She remained frozen in the car as Dave tried to chase after Gretchen, who’d already started her car.
It felt like a moment in limbo, like the slightest breeze would either send Dave chasing after Gretchen or pull him back to Julia. Julia held her breath, as if that was all it would take to sway him. “Please,” she found herself whispering. “Please.”
“Please,” she said again. It took Dave a while, a hesitation she would allow him as long as he got back in the car. His arms were at his sides, his head hanging low. It felt like his decision would be based on something slight, the flapping of butterfly wings somewhere far off sending Dave away from her. When he turned around and slowly slid back in, Julia felt herself ease.
Gretchen might be heartbroken right now, and Julia wouldn’t wish that on anyone. But she’d just kissed Dave, not for the first time, and definitely not for the last. After all, he was here. He’d chosen Julia.
“My instinct right now is to be a supportive girlfriend. But I have no idea what that would entail, in this specific situation. So I’m gonna be a supportive best friend
Then Dave opened his eyes and smiled at her. “You know how wonderfully bizarre it is to hear you call yourself my girlfriend?” “I think I do,” she said, and leaned back into him.
BEFORE, WHEN DAVE had dreamed about love, this is what it looked like: It was lazy. Love was lazy as hell. Love laid around in bed, warm from the sheets and the sunlight pouring into the room. Love was too lazy to get up to close the blinds. Love was too comfortable to get up and go pee. Love took too many naps, it watched TV, but not really, because it was too busy kissing and napping. Love was also funny, which somehow made the bed more comfortable, the laughter warming the sheets, softening the mattress and the lovers’ skin.
pink hair that he loved finding all over his room.
Then he sprung on her, attacking her face with kisses, dozens of quick pecks that left her breathless from the laughter. She put her hands on his face and moved him toward her mouth. This was exactly like everything he’d dreamed about.
it had felt close to this with Gretchen, too.
But he imagined that love often looked similar, regardless of who was involved.
Brushing her pink hair behind her ear, he wondered why it often looked like she was tearing up. The first few times he’d asked if everything was okay, she’d looked at him like he was crazy. So he’d stopped asking. Every time he saw that glint, though, he wondered what was on her mind. Maybe nothing was, and it was just him imagining things.
The three freckles on her neck were right in his line of vision. He’d kissed every one of them over and over again.
that I almost told you that I love you? I know that’s insane. But I’ve always been quick to love, and I’m actually surprised I held it in this long. I shouldn’t even be writing this e-mail. If my friends knew I was writing it, they’d yell at me, and I’ll probably yell at myself tomorrow. Unless I don’t get any sleep, as has been the case, and my mental state is even worse than it is at this moment. You hurt me, Dave. You’re smart enough to know that. Part of me wants to rub it in your face, how much you hurt me. But the other part of me loves you enough to want to say this: It is not totally,
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He’d chosen her. That’s what he kept thinking. That he’d chosen her.
But ever since the beach, he’d been having trouble reading her, as if being physically close to her had muddled up how well he knew her.
Julia couldn’t stand the way Gretchen’s friends looked at her, as if Julia herself had set out to break Gretchen’s heart.
avoiding the gaze of all the people who’d helped at the promposal and now didn’t understand why Dave was with the pink-haired girl instead of Gretchen.
A group of girls sneered at them as they walked by and though Julia had no idea who they were, she had that sudden rush of guilt that had been seizing her lately, that I-broke-up-Dave-and-Gretchen guilt.
Before, when Julia had dreamed about love, this is what it looked like: Like two sprinters making their way around a track. Spurts of energy followed by collapsing into a heap on the ground. Sweaty arms laid across chests, big, gulping breaths of air.
Love traveled, it ran, it covered ground, eager to see more, do more. It was two people keeping pace with each other.
Without warning, the Jell-O feeling had returned. Maybe because they’d crossed off almost all the Nevers.
He looked over at Julia, who was breathing softly, eyes closed. There was something keeping him from going over and unburdening the desperation with her, the way he’d always done. He didn’t know how to behave around her at school anymore, like there was some sort of fuzz between the two of them that kept things from being exactly how they always had been.
This was about Julia. Something was wrong. If he could put his finger on it he’d instantly flick the thing away, whatever it was. Because it was pesky and stupid and small. But things just didn’t add up. They still laughed. The kissing was incredible. They’d always spent the majority of their time together, so it wasn’t like it was weird to suddenly be in bed all afternoon with her.
