The Journey Home: Autobiography of an American Swami

by Radhanath Swami

If a person does not have an ideal he’s ready to die for, he has nothing really meaningful to live for. Then it came to me. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream he lived and died for and that dream changed the world. Wasn’t that power in all of us, if we pursued our calling?

Hope in the divine can empower a human being to overcome unimaginable obstacles.

In a terrible predicament, when our hearts embraced hope, we attracted a power beyond ourselves to guide us, purify us and, ultimately, liberate us.

whenever you feed your ego or try to do anything selfish, you will not succeed. This is my blessing to you, that whenever you want to become selfless, loving and without ego, you will find a great force behind you, and you will never fail to achieve some good.”

Throughout the day, he taught, one must sacrifice for others. Morality and high ethics, he said, were like roots on the tree of yoga.

I gazed on it for hours thinking of how it symbolized for me the heart of God, a heart that is unlimited, giving ultimate shelter to all beings; a heart that is majestic and beautiful.

Just as in climbing a mountain we leave behind the earth where we stand, to reach the heart of God we have to leave behind unfavorable earthly attachments. Sincere spiritual practice is an uphill climb, and no matter how many difficulties we face, we have to continue looking upward with hope. The mountain provides all support for those who strive to reach its top. Similarly, if we are sincere, the Lord will provide us with the means to reach his supremely merciful heart.

All beautiful forms of this world are in the process of transformation. Nothing is stable. With every moment, our reality is changing. Mother Ganges, like nature, is constant, but no manifestation of hers remains. Likewise, all that we hold dear in this world is imperceptibly vanishing. We cannot cling to anything. But if we can appreciate the beauty of the underlying current of truth, we can enjoy a reality deeper than the fickle waves of joy and sorrow.

Mother Ganges teaches us that if we want to attain the sea of our aspiration, we must persevere in our goal and never be discouraged by the inevitable obstacles that come on our path. All impediments are like rocks in the river of life. We should flow around them and never give up. With the Lord’s help, there is always a way.

Mother Ganges teaches that if we learn to be detached from our ego and the flurry of the mind, senses, and the world around us, and observe life with a sober disposition, we gain wisdom.

Ganges patiently flowed toward the sea. Truth, too, was unchanging. Whatever may happen in this world, however dramatic, it could not disturb the flow of truth.

If the follower remains faithfully in the current of the holy teachings, he or she will be carried to the ocean of spiritual truth. But many temptations and diversions appear along the banks, promising comfort and happiness, tempting the follower to come out from the current that leads to one’s heart’s aspiration. Not all aspirants will remain faithful, but those who do can reach the ocean of enlightenment.

Mother Ganges is teaching me that patience and steadfastness are required to follow my calling.

Don’t think of money for traveling here and there. Don’t worry and don’t be afraid of being alone. Don’t be anxious about anything. Begin working and everything will go by itself.”

If we understand the underlying cause of what we think of as bad in someone, instead of being hateful, we will be compassionate. For is not every soul inherently good? A saintly person will hate the disease but love the diseased.

Better to live in poverty than to sell one’s soul for an empty palace of gold. Better to live unknown than to sell one’s soul for the empty and futile pleasures of admiration, name, and fame. Where there is no inner freedom, there is no life.

“Love is everlasting forgiveness,”

“Wisdom is to see everything in relation to the whole. If you understand that everything belongs to Him, you will be free of all burdens.”

“All sorrow comes from the sense of I and mine. All sorrow is due to one’s keeping apart from God. When you are with Him all pain disappears. By sorrow does the Lord dispel sorrow and by adversity does He destroy adversity. When this is done He sends no more...

“The world oscillates endlessly between pleasure and pain,”

“There can be no security, no stability here. These are to be found in God alone. Suffering is sent to remind us to turn our thoughts toward God, who will give us solace. Whenever you possibly can, sustain the flow of the sacred Name. To repeat His Name is to be in His presence. If you associate with the Supreme Friend, He will reveal His true Being to you.”

“True spiritual life is to know that you are beyond the body, mind, and ego and realize the soul within and to realize God and be godly. This alone will bring peace.”

“The source of all suffering is desire,” he began. “And desire arises from the mind’s attachments to the senses. Freedom is to empty the mind of all thoughts. To have no mind or thought is satori, the liberated state.”

An irresponsible leader can break the hearts and faith of his followers and raise suspicion even toward those who are genuine. What pain his hypocrisy caused to those who trusted him and just see what it has done to his own life. How essential it is to live what we believe. How vital it is to practice what we preach.

“If you are humble, nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know who you are. God is our witness. Never be disheartened by any failure as long as you have done your best.”

“We are spirit souls,” he said, “but in ignorance, we identify this temporary body with the self.” He went on to explain how the cause of all suffering was forgetfulness of our relationship with God, and how this consciousness could be easily awakened by the chanting of God’s names.

We are all like fish that have separated from the sea of divine consciousness. For a person to be happy outside his or her natural relation with God is like a fish trying to enjoy life outside of the water, on the dry sand. Holy people go to great extremes to help even one person to return to his or her natural spiritual consciousness, to the sea of true joy. But the net of maya, or illusion, snatches away the minds of the masses, diverting us from our true self-interest.

At times, I was lonely, but I learned to relish loneliness as a way to cultivate my connection to God. Silent prayer became the medium through which I could pour out my thoughts and feelings. The serenity of meditation was my shelter from the restlessness of my mind and world around me.

“You must persevere with patience. By a power beyond your own, you will recognize the very one you seek. Believe in this. It is your destiny. Your master will come to you.”

The dirty wax of egotism accumulated in the heart prevents us from clearly hearing the Lord’s voice within. A guru, with the stick of knowledge, cleans our hearts. It’s really ugly to see what may come out, but by following patiently, we keep cleaning.

The nature of the mind is to interpret nonessentials essential. The mind creates artificial needs, believing it cannot live without them. In this way we carry a great burden of attachments throughout our life. Attachment is itself a great burden on our minds. We may never understand the extent of the burden till, like my books or the earwax, we’re free of it. But if we find joy within, we can live a simple life, free of endless complications.

The sand scorched me like blazing fire, and later, was greedy to devour me. But now the same sand is cool and soft and gives me shelter. Like sand, a person influenced by circumstances can become viciously envious or affectionately kind. Our company and surroundings have a crucial effect on our consciousness. How important it is to be an instrument to bring out the inherent good of each other rather than the worst.

Perhaps we cannot always succeed by directly opposing a powerful force. I thought of the many trials I had faced on my path. If we do, our efforts will drown in failure. It is like swimming against the Ganges’ current. In such circumstances, it might be more effective to find a path of less resistance to accomplish the desired end indirectly.

“A dog will recognize his master in whatever way he dresses. The master may dress in robes, suit and tie, or stand naked, but the dog will always recognize his master. If we cannot recognize God, our beloved master, when he comes in a different dress from another religion, then we are less than that dog.”

Within every heart dwell two dogs, a bad dog and a good dog, both at battle with one another. The bad dog represents our debased tendencies of envy, anger, lust, greed, arrogance, and illusion. The good dog, our divine nature, is represented by forgiveness, compassion, self-control, generosity, humility, and wisdom. Whichever dog we feed the most through the choices we make and the utilization of our time will empower that dog to bark the loudest and conquer the other. Virtue is to starve the bad dog and feed the good dog.

“Better to be a sincere sweeper of the street than a charlatan meditator.”

We are vulnerable to defeat when our minds succumb to fear.

So we fear what we don’t know. Through knowledge of our spiritual nature and sincere faith in God, we can overcome all fear. Please, Lord, bless me with such courage as I find my way to You.

But what they all had in common was their humility, a deep focus on spiritual practices, and an unquenchable thirst to serve.

“You see that tree? It tolerates the burning summer sun while giving us shade. It tolerates the bitter cold while giving wood to keep us warm and it may stand for months without a drop of water, while giving us juicy fruits to quench our thirst, all of this without complaint. We should learn tolerance from the tree.

On the contrary, I saw how loving God naturally awakened the qualities of an ideal human being, one with compassion for all.

In real humility there is a deeper principle than our sad need to feel superior to others. That higher principle prevents us from being arrogant and condescending toward those we feel are inferior. It protects us from being envious towards those who are more accomplished. When one is humble, one feels grateful and gives credit to the Lord and all those who have ever offered help. With a humble heart one can easily admit mistakes and open one’s heart to learn. Becoming humble is not the act of killing the ego but of liberating the real ego, which is eternally vibrant with love for God and others.

“No one can live without loving someone else. This propensity is present in every living being. The missing piece, however, is where to direct our love so that everyone is included and can be happy.”

“Here in India, wherever we go, there are festivals of joy to greet us. But sometimes Srila Prabhupada is criticized to the point of death threats for giving initiation to Westerners, ignoring the caste system, or for engaging women in priestly duties.” This impressed me. During my travels in India, I had witnessed oppression to the lower castes and women, and it had saddened me. Srila Prabhupada’s courage to fight against it inspired me.

“Everything is the energy of the Lord. Material consciousness is to forget an object’s relationship with God. Spiritual consciousness is to see everything in relation to God and utilize everything in devotional service.”

We want to use everything for a spiritual cause. Bhakti Yoga is the art of transforming material energy into spiritual energy through a spirit of devotion.”

I was proud of the way I had been living in India and even thought it superior to the way people lived in the West. But perhaps this idea of detachment is just another product of self-deceiving ego, inducing me to feel superior to others.

“If you are weak, rectify it. If you have no determination, you have no character. What makes you different from an animal?”

Signed, the most unfortunate, insignificant beggar, A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami,

An aged man who was seriously ill, penniless, and alone in a foreign land begging God for only one blessing: to be used as an instrument of God’s mercy.