The Journey Home: Autobiography of an American Swami

by Radhanath Swami

To the many sincere souls, my brothers and sisters, who also seek the forgotten treasure of the heart.

it is taught that it is better to pray to God for the strength to overcome temptations, difficulties, and doubts in order to do His will, rather than to pray for Him to do our will.”

If a person does not have an ideal he’s ready to die for, he has nothing really meaningful to live for.

Resentment swelled in my chest but I wrestled to curb it. I was seeking a spiritual life.

On roadsides, I sometimes felt like an open target for anyone suffering from anger or negativity, but I hoped all these difficulties might help me to grow. I knew I needed to learn the value of patience, perseverance, and prayer to overcome obstacles.

What should I learn from this? I asked myself. Hendrix had everything the world craves and at such a young age: wealth, fame, and amazing talent. But he was dissatisfied. This idol for our generation became a victim of his own excesses. Thousands were proclaiming “sex, drugs, and rock and roll” as the progressive way to live. Freedom was their highest value, but were they really free? I thought of all the wonderful people I’d met who were part of the counterculture, but also of those who seemed merely wild and ungrateful. I thought of how gratitude had been the most important value my mother and father had taught my brothers and me.

Feeling alone and naked in the presence of the Lord, I wept. I felt so free. The internal battle I fought in London was over.

I considered Catholic saints, Tibetan Lamas, and yogis of India, who all chose lives of renunciation in their passion for enlightenment. They forsook life’s pleasures to answer the call of exclusive dedication. I longed to follow in their footsteps. I knew it would be difficult, but with God’s help, I decided to try, at least for now.

“My child, there is one God. All religions teach us to love and obey him. Due to shallow faith, ego or politics, people fight over superficial differences. In fifty years of meditation, prayer, and charity, I have discovered that God’s love manifests in different ways to different people. There are saints in the various spiritual traditions who sacrifice their lives for the love of God and goodwill toward man.” Stroking his chin, in deep thought, his voice faltered. “I believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God and my personal Savior. Perhaps it is God’s will to inspire devoted Jews with a different belief than my own.” He went on to say that Moses and the prophets taught us to love God with all our mind, heart, and soul. Jesus taught the same, coming not to change this commandment, but to fulfill it. “Why should there be hatred and fighting?” he went on. “One path may appear in different forms, but the Kingdom of God is the goal we all share. It is the men of small minds who create confusion.” He released my hand and affectionately patted my head.

Despite these spiritual encounters, the material world continued to pull on me.

I’m a hypocrite. Was it not hypocrites that nailed Jesus to that crucifix? How dishonest it is to preach but not practice.

Through it all, I had felt a divine hand guiding me to invaluable lessons. As the water flowed, I began to contemplate the life of St. Francis. In his youth he despised the sight of lepers. But when touched by God’s grace, he kissed the hand of a leper in sympathy, with a will to serve. A calling awoke in my mind to visit Assisi.

I found myself lost in thought. What could we learn from the tragedy of Pompeii? At any moment disaster can come upon anyone. In our complacency, we fail to grasp the impermanence of all that is material. I thought of the bubonic plague that had ravaged Europe, the atomic bomb that leveled Hiroshima, the earthquakes and fires that had destroyed cities in America. Through the history of mankind, the powers of nature take everything away from us. Why put off seeking the eternal jewel of enlightenment? Now is the time. As Mount Vesuvius had erupted, leaving a civilization in ashes, there had erupted from my heart an exclusive commitment to the path of spirituality, to leave all else in the ashes of my past.

All my life I had been conditioned to interpret reality a certain way, according to the culture in which I was raised. Why was it that we humans seemed to have a deep-rooted proclivity to feel superior to others, particularly in regard to nationality, race, religion, or social position? We think that our condition is normal and others are strange or inferior. This judgmental pride degenerates us into bigotry or sectarianism, generating hatred, fear, exploitation, and even war. I prayed that my travels would open my mind and provide sympathy for how other cultures viewed life, the world, and God.

I was afraid. I knew I was making a choice that would completely change my life, but nothing could stop me. I didn’t know where destiny was leading me, but I knew that if I were to move forward in my journey, I would find a whole new life, with a whole new identity. I had to leave everything else behind.

And then, from my heart, a sweet but commanding voice called, “Go to India.” Why India? I thought. It’s another world, so far away. I know so little about it. I had next to no money and little idea of what to expect, but I believed this was the voice of my Lord calling for me. At other times I had felt the presence of God, or felt guilt that I had behaved in ways to separate myself from God. But this was different. This was a silent voice that resonated from my heart. I was convinced that it wasn’t my voice or my mind. No, this was God, answering my prayers for direction.

I’m a simple boy with a loving family and friends. Why did I leave the shelter of such a peaceful home? Now I’m helpless and alone. I prayed. I came here in search of enlightenment; is this the path I have to tread in order to learn surrender? A thought emerged. If so, let it be. In our predicament, only God can save us.

Hope in the divine can empower a human being to overcome unimaginable obstacles.

Nothing about our hostile reception in Istanbul could have prepared us for the cordiality of the people we met as we traveled east across Turkey.

So simple and gracious was their hospitality that I felt like part of the family. They didn’t speak a word of English, but that didn’t matter.

She led by example. Whether she received a gift of precious jewelry or a simple flower, she was equally thrilled. In this, she taught me that happiness comes not from the material thing, but from the love with which it is given.

Whether the results were big or small, she was happy as long as our efforts were honest.

I was gaining striking lessons on how every religion has so many levels of practitioners and how shallow it would be to generalize about an entire religion from a few of its followers.

Although the dire poverty was disheartening, the people of Herat appeared to be the happiest, most carefree people I’d ever seen. This surreal combination of poverty and happiness short-circuited my intellect.

Yet in all situations and places it impressed me how their devotion to Allah took priority.

I strained to control my emotions. Then, contemplating, I tried to make sense of it all. I realized that our free will could convert a curse into a blessing or a blessing into a curse. Yes, ludicrous as it was, this mongoose may have been sent to teach me the sacred virtue of patience and forbearance. To bear difficulty and turn to God was a priceless blessing. To transform a crisis into an opportunity was true wisdom.

What we experience of the world is so relative, so conditioned by our subjective experience.

“but whenever you feed your ego or try to do anything selfish, you will not succeed. This is my blessing to you, that whenever you want to become selfless, loving and without ego, you will find a great force behind you, and you will never fail to achieve some good.”

You really do not need to know many things, but you definitely need to practice what you know.”

“The foundation of your spiritual path will be to keep the company of holy people.”

“The blessings of sages will carry you across all obstacles on the path.”

we judge others for their faults, we fall into a trap. It will be better to put your faith in those of good character and cultivate your own yoga practice.”

He stressed that we overcome our mind’s tendency towards self-centered concerns in order to realize our essential nature.

“Be sincere and disciplined in your practice. A true yogi is one who lives with the highest human conduct.”

Mother Ganges teaches us that if we want to attain the sea of our aspiration, we must persevere in our goal and never be discouraged by the inevitable obstacles that come on our path.

If the follower remains faithfully in the current of the holy teachings, he or she will be carried to the ocean of spiritual truth.